Link and Navi's Excellent Adventure
by Master Zora
Summary: Now co-authored by Apple Kid! Navi dies at the end of every chapter, starting in Chapter 2. Read, reviewed, and loved by 2 famous authors: Dekustar_the_Mad_Author and Silver_Star. By the way, I don't own Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure
1. Link's Awakening

The Legends of Zelda:  
The Little Hero  
A/N: Okay, this is my very first FanFiction, and it probably won't be that good, but I tried, and it will get better. Now, you may want to know that I do not own anything in this entire FanFiction unless I say otherwise. That means I don't own Zelda, Kirby, Mario, or any other Nintendo character that may or may no appear in this FanFiction. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Chapter 1:  
  
The Awakening  
Narrator: One sunny day in Kokiri Forest, a little kid named Link was sleeping…  
  
Link: I'm not little!!! I'm 10 years old! The Deku Tree says I'm a big boy!!! Waaaa!  
  
(Narrator comes down in the form of Navi the fairy and slaps Link around for an hour.)  
  
Narrator: Now, shut up Link. You're supposed to be asleep. Now, go back to sleep. Now, where was I… Oh yea. One sunny day in Kokiri Forest, a little kid…  
  
Link: *Ahem*  
  
Narrator: This is the last time. One sunny day in Kokiri Forest, a kid named Link was sleeping. He liked his sleep and was very grumpy when awoken. Unluckily for a fairy that day, he was planning on sleeping until 3:00pm. The Great Deku Tree sent a fairy named Navi to wake up the sleepy little…  
  
(Link opens his eyes and glares at the narrator.)  
  
Narrator: The Great Deku Tree sent a fairy named Navi to wake up the sleepy kid. She tried for hours to no avail. Finally, Navi came up with a brilliant plan, aided by me of course.  
  
Navi: GET UP LITTLE BOY!  
  
(Link opens his eyes and stares at the fairy.)  
  
Link: DON'T CALL ME LITTLE!!!  
  
(Navi slaps Link around for an hour.)  
  
Link: Owww, I get the point. Now, let me guess. You're an annoying fairy sent by the Great Deku Tree to guide me as I save Hyrule from Ganondorf in this game only, though I will eventually beat him up many times over.  
  
Navi: Yea. How'd you know?  
  
Link: I'm my own biggest fan. I've played every single one of my games. Well, all except those weird Philips CD-i games.  
  
(Link and Navi both shudder at the thought of the Philips CD-i games.)  
  
Navi: Well we'd better be going. The Deku Tree says you don't got all day, even though time doesn't pass inside the Forest, only in the Field, Gerudo Valley, and a few other locations.  
  
Link: I wonder what that's all about.  
  
(They both leave and climb down the ladder. Saria is down at the bottom waiting.)  
  
Saria: Hello sleepy boy. How ya doin?  
  
Link: I've had a bad day.  
  
Saria: We all do sometimes.  
  
Link: But this one's terrible so far. First the narrator keeps calling me little, and HE gets mad at ME, then I get an annoying fairy who says she is supposed to help me save Hyrule.  
  
Saria: That is bad. My worst day was waking up and noticing my hair had turned green, but I never fought with the narrator.  
  
Link: Well, I gotta go. The Deku Tree wants me.  
  
Saria: OK, see ya. I've got a present for you before you go.  
  
Link: (Whispering) You're not supposed to give me the Fairy Ocarina until I kill the big stupid tree.  
  
Saria: (Also whispering) I know. That's why I brought you this.  
  
(Saria hands Link a box)  
  
Saria: (No longer whispering) It's a Fairy Box. Put it in you're hat. When you're fairy gets too annoying, just stop moving and press the A button to make her go in.  
  
Link: OK. Thanks Saria.  
  
(Link walks away towards the entrance to the Deku Tree)  
  
Mido: You can't pass without a sword and shield.  
  
(Link and Navi whisper a little and Navi goes back into the Fairy Box.)  
  
Link: OK. Can you lend me 100 rupees? The store sells shields for 40, and I know a nice little pawn shop I can buy a sword from.  
  
(Mido sits and thinks for 30 minutes.)  
  
Mido: OK. I've made a decision. Wait here. I'll buy the sword and hide it, then I'll hide the rupees to buy a shield with.  
  
Link: Fair enough, but only if you take Navi off my hands while you do it.  
  
Mido: Fine.  
  
(Mido goes off setting up the scavenger hunt. In his absence, Link sneaks towards the Deku Tree.)  
  
(When almost at the tree, Link falls asleep.)  
  
(Mido returns)  
  
Mido: Should of figures. Happens every time. Only this time, I get stuck with a fairy that says, "Listen. Hey Look! Listen!" every 5 seconds.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Narrator: And so we leave Mido with Navi and Link heading off to the Deku Tree without a fairy, sword, and shield. And the little hero…  
  
Link: FOR THE LAST TIME! I'M NOT LITTLE!!!   
  
(Narrator comes down and slaps Link around for an hour.)  
  
Narrator: And the hero is also sleeping. What shall happen? Tune in next time to The Legends of Zelda: The Sleepy Hero (channel 12 at 8/7c) to see what shall become of them. 


	2. Signs

The Legends of Zelda:  
  
The Little Hero  
A/N: I don't own South Park, of course you should already have known that. I did make up ACME Signs Ltd., ACME Signs Ltd., or ACME anything Ltd. Why did I mention that? Read on…  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Chapter 2:  
  
Signs  
  
Narrator: Last time, we left little Link…  
  
Link: I'M NOT LITTLE!!!!!  
  
(Narrator slaps Link around for an hour)  
  
Narrator:…We left Link heading off to the Great Deku Tree unarmed and with no fairy.  
  
Link: Zzzzzzzz…..  
  
Narrator: Oh yea, and sleeping. At the same time, Link had left Mido with Navi. Now, what will happen.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
(Mido and Navi finally hear Link snoring.)  
  
Mido: What's the rumbling? Sound's like… a bulldozer…  
  
Navi: No, that's just Link. Just try waking him up.  
  
Mido: Let's go.  
  
(Mido and Navi find Link sleeping.)  
  
Mido: Wake up, sleepy head.  
  
(Mido pisses on Link's head while Navi shouts out annoying phrases.)  
  
Navi: HEY! LOOK! LISTEN!  
  
(Link wakes up screaming.)  
  
Link: AHHHHH! I just had the worst dream! I got a stupid fairy named Navi and she keeps saying stupid stuff like, "Hey! Look! Listen!" every 5 seconds!  
  
(Link sees Navi.)  
  
Link: AHHHHH! It's true! HEEEEELLLLLLLLLLPPPPPP!  
  
Mido: I hid the sword and rupees, so go find them. And here's your stupid fairy, back too.  
  
Link: Zzzzzzzz.  
  
(Mido kicks Link.)  
  
Link: Fine, fine.  
  
(Link finds the rupees and sword in record time and comes back to Mido.)  
  
Mido: Hey! How'd you find them so quick?  
  
Link: I've played this game on my N64 before. I've played all of my own games. Well… except for those stupid Phillips CD-I games.  
  
(They all shudder at the thought.)  
  
Link: And then there was that sign... "The Kokiri Sword is located through the tunnel near the Know-it-all Brothers. You can find rupees everywhere  
  
to buy the shield with. Have a nice day getting Mido mad at you.  
  
-ACME Signs Ltd.  
  
Mido: &*$@%! I hate those ACME $*#$@! But you got the stuff, so I grant you full passage.  
  
(Link shoves Mido out of the way.)  
  
Mido: Hey!  
  
Link: Gotta go!  
  
(Link runs off towards the Deku Tree.)  
  
Navi: I'm back, Great Deku Tree!  
  
Deku Tree: (muttering) Oh, #@*%^! it's that stupid fairy again.  
  
Deku Tree: (Not muttering) Hello Navi. Who's your little friend?  
  
Link: I'M NOT LITTLE!!!!!  
  
(The Deku Tree slaps Link around for an hour.)  
  
Deku Tree: Don't raise your voice at me. Now, what's your name?  
  
Link: Link.  
  
Deku Tree: Ah, so the fairy did a good job. Do you know why I summoned you?  
  
Link: Because I have to save Hyrule, and I start by pretending to try to save you while really killing you and stealing your Emerald.  
  
Deku Tree: Uh, close enough. I was thinking of you brutally torturing me, pulling me apart limb by limb, but I like you're way better.  
  
Link: Are you sure, because I wouldn't mind…  
  
Deku Tree: Yea I'm sure. Any way, I knew you were the one destined to save Hyrule. I saw it in a…  
  
Link: Vision?  
  
Deku Tree: No, this sign.  
  
Link: (Reading sign) Wanted: A 10-year old kid who always wears green and lives in the Kokiri Forest. He must really be Hylian, but not know it… (The next year)… And his shoe size must be 4.  
  
-ACME Sign's Ltd.  
  
Link: Wow, and you're sure that you can't find anyone else that fits that description?  
  
Deku Tree: Well there was that one kid, but his shoe size is 4 ½, so he doesn't fit.  
  
Link: #@&%! I was hoping for a good sleep.  
  
Deku Tree: There will be time for that later, but now, you must go inside me and pretend to be saving me while you really kill me and pretend I was doomed from the beginning, then I'll give you my Emerald and everyone will accuse you of killing me of stealing the treasure. Is that alright with you?  
  
Link: As long as you stop calling me little.  
  
Deku Tree: Okay, little boy.  
  
Link: I'M NOT LITTLE!!!!!  
  
(Deku Tree starts to slap Link around for an hour, then realizes the chapter is getting to long.)  
  
Deku Tree: I'd finish slapping you around, but this chapter needs to be ended now.  
  
(A safe falls on Navi with the words ACME Safes Ltd. on it.)  
  
Deku Tree and Link: Oh my God! They killed Navi those #$%@&*#!  
  
NOTE TO READER: You probably already know what goes there, but this needs to be kept PG rated.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Narrator: So, now Navi is dead and Link nearly escaped being slapped around for an hour.   
Will he ever find a replacement? Will he really have a chance at saving the Deku Tree? Will   
he ever stop being called little??????  
Tune in next time, channel 12 at 8/7c to see. 


	3. A Beautiful Mind

The Legends of Zelda:  
  
The Little Hero  
  
A/N: Some of you must be in an uproar about me killing Navi. I have only two  
things to say about that:  
1. Hope you enjoy it;  
2. You must be insane.  
Oh, I forgot to mention, any movie titles, tv show titles, tv channel titles, video  
game titles, and/or book titles, or any of their content that I use, I DON'T OWN. Carry on...  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Chapter 3:  
A Beautiful Mind  
  
Last time we left Link about to start his quest and Navi dead. Find out what   
shall happen next:  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Link: They killed Navi! What shall I do?  
  
Deku Tree: Party all night long.  
  
Link: Good idea.  
  
(Link and Deku Tree leave and party all night long. When they come back, Navi is  
  
revived.)  
  
Deku Tree and Link: @$^@$, you #%^&#!  
  
Deku Tree: Now you must start your quest to kill me.  
  
Link: Gladly. But I got a better idea. I don't feel like going through all that   
  
trouble to kill you and Queen Gohma to get the Emerald. How 'bout I kill Navi, instead?  
  
Deku Tree: Sounds tempting...  
  
Narrator: Sorry, you have to do it the hard way for the sake of this FanFic.  
  
Link: $!@^%! Can I kill Navi anyway?  
  
Narrator: Maybe at the end of the chapter.  
  
Link: Yay!  
  
(Link tries to kill Navi anyway.)  
  
(Narrator and Deku Tree slap Link around for an hour.)  
  
Link: Hey! You're only supposed to do that when you call me little.  
  
Narrator: Change in plans. We won't call you little as much. Now you'll get slapped around  
  
more often for anything.  
  
Link: &%*#*!  
  
(Narrator and the Deku Tree slap Link around for an hour.)  
  
Link: &%*#*!  
  
(Narrator and the Deku Tree slap Link around for an hour.)  
  
Link: &%*#*!  
  
(Narrator and the Deku Tree slap Link around for an hour.)  
  
Link: &%*#*!  
  
(Narrator and the Deku Tree slap Link around for an hour.)  
  
Link: Okay, I get the point now. I'll go kill Queen Gohma.  
  
(Link enters the Tree and gets up to the slingshot.)  
  
Link: Oh a chest! I wonder what's inside?  
  
Navi: It better not be another weapon you can kill me with.  
  
(They open the chest.)  
  
Link: Score! Die Navi!  
  
Navi: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!  
  
(Link shoots the slingshot at Navi until he realizes they can't get out.)  
  
Link: I just realized we can't get out. That ladder up there is too high.  
  
Navi: Why don't you shoot it?  
  
Link: Why don't I shoot you?  
  
(Link starts shooting Navi again.)  
  
Narrator: Stop. If you kill Navi now, we can't kill her at the end of the chapter.  
  
Link: You try living with this fairy.  
  
Narrator: I used to. Then I came up with this FanFic to get rid of her.  
  
Link: %#^#@!  
  
(Narrator and Navi slap Link around for an hour.)  
  
Link: Fine, fine. Just lower that ladder. I'm out of ammo.  
  
Narrator: Fine.  
  
(Ladder falls from the wall.)  
  
Narrator: Anything else?  
  
Link: Um, some hula girls, 19 martinis, a margarita, and 25 asprin for the hangover I'll be getting.  
  
Narrator: Sorry, no alcohol. Substance use would make this PG-13.  
  
Link: $%#^@#$!  
  
(Narrator and Navi slap Link around for an hour.)  
  
Link: Fine, I'll just take the hula girls and a coke.  
  
Narrator: Nah, I'll just leave you unhappy.  
  
Link:*$@--never mind.  
  
(Link makes his way up to Queen Gohma.)  
  
(Queen Gohma drops from ceiling.)  
  
Queen Gohma: I've been trying to tell the narrator to get me better suction boots.... %@&@$  
  
(Narrator and Link slap Queen Gohma around for an hour.)  
  
Queen Gohma: You're supposed to slap Link around, not me.  
  
Narrator: Good point, but I don't have time.  
  
Queen Gohma: &%^#&!  
  
Link: I just noticed that you have a division sign in your eye.  
  
Queen Gohma: That's because of my obsession with math. I even joined the high school math club  
  
even though I'm too old.  
  
Link: I'm getting bored of mercilessly slaughtering people. Can you just spontaneously die?  
  
Queen Gohma: I'll just challenge you to a math challenge.  
  
Narrator: You have to fight, no math challenges.  
  
(Link and Queen Gohma slap Narrator around for an hour.)  
  
Narrator: Point taken.  
  
Queen Gohma: I'll start with a tough one. Solve for x: 3x-52=38x+18+140y  
  
Link: Hmmmm, -2-4y=x. My turn: 1+1.  
  
Queen Gohma: Hmmmmmmmm, hmmmmmmm,  
  
(one month later.)  
  
Queen Gohma: I finally figured out 1+1. 1+1=3x-58y+53.  
  
Link: Wrong. I win.  
  
Queen Gohma: %@%@&#!  
  
(Link and Narrator slap Queen Gohma around until she dies.)  
  
Link: Ooooo, a heart container, even though it doesn't even have the slightest resemblence to   
  
a real human heart. I bet you it gives me a new mask that does nothing.  
  
(Link picks up the heart container.)  
  
Link: D'oh, it only gives me an extra heart.  
  
(Link sees the blue light.)  
  
Link: Don't go towards the blue light... Don't go towards the blue light... Wait, that's the white  
  
light.  
  
(Link steps through, leaving Navi behind. He appears in front of the Deku Tree.)  
  
Deku Tree: You have done well. I have a story to tell. Do you wish to hear?  
  
Link: No, the chapter's getting long and I still need to get the emerald, watch you die,get the fairy  
  
ocarina, meet Kaepora Gaebora, who also talks all day long, and kill Navi. I don't have time for cinema  
  
scenes.  
  
Deku Tree: Too bad.  
  
Link: &%#$@!  
  
(Narrator starts to slap Link around for an hour before realizing Link was right.)  
  
Link: Scene's done, now just hand over the Emerald.  
  
Deku Tree: Fine, get out of here.  
  
(Deku Tree dies.)  
  
(Link runs out to the lost woods, Saria is there.)  
  
Saria: How's the Fairy Box?  
  
Link: I don't know, Navi won't stay in.  
  
Saria: Too bad, but here's an ocarina. Now go before the chapter gets too long.  
  
(Link is in the Courtyard meeting Zelda for the first time.)  
  
Link: How'd I get here?  
  
Narrator: Chapter's getting too long.  
  
Link: %@#$@! I wanted to get past the guards and wake up Talon.  
  
Narrator: Too bad.  
  
(Navi flies in.)  
  
Navi: *pant* Just*pant* flew *pant* from *pant* tree. *pant* Snuck *pant* past *pant* guards. *pant*  
  
Link: Lucky little son of a %@$@$!  
  
Navi: Lucky? Just get on with the chapter.  
  
(Link goes up to Zelda.)  
  
Zelda: You're name's Link? Sounds familiar. Do you have the Kokiri Emerald?  
  
Link: Yea, it's right here.  
  
(Link pats down his pockets.)  
  
Link: ^@%@$#! The #!%#! tree didn't give me the Emerald.  
  
Zelda: Well, I'll let you save Hyrule anyway, just get the Emerald. Here's a letter. Read it. A  
  
song is in there, since Impa doesn't have time to teach you at the moment.  
  
Link: Finally, the end of the chapter. Navi gets to die!  
  
Narrator: Now let's spin the lucky wheel to see how she gets to die.  
  
(Narrator pulls out giant Wheel of Fortune wheel.)  
  
Narrator: Spin the wheel, Link.  
  
(Link spins the wheel.)  
  
Link: Incineration, incineration, incineration.  
  
(The wheel lands on a picture of a dragon.)  
  
Narrator: Okay, Navi gets to die today by a dragon.  
  
(A dragon swoops down and eats Navi whole.)  
  
Link: Oh my God, they killed Navi, those %#$@&*$!  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Narrator: Link's started his quest to save Hyrule, forgot the Kokiri Emerald at the Deku Tree, and  
  
learned a new song. And Navi's been eaten whole by a dragon. Will Link get the Emerald back? Can  
  
he find a replacement that he was looking for last chapter? Will the Narrator get more creative in  
  
killing Navi?????? Find out next time on The Legends of Zelda: The Little Hero on Channel 12 at 8/7c. 


	4. The 1st Chapter Not Named After A Famous...

The Legends of Zelda:   
  
The Little Hero  
  
A/N: If you're still in an uproar about me killing Navi, you're stupid and you have no business reading this.  
If you enjoy Navi dieing, enjoy, as I have fun killing her. Be sure to post how you want her to die, and I'll  
take your suggestions into consideration. Also, since having people get beat around for an hour is getting a   
bit old, I have decided to punish them in a new way. Now, for the first commercial (for Skittles. For any   
reference to why I chose Skittles, read Zelda, Taste the Rainbow by Silver_Star.):  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
(Link is running around Hyrule holding a sign)  
  
Link: Looking for Skittles! Will work for Skittles!  
  
Navi: He is a homeless kid looking for Skittles!  
  
Random Passerby: Do you want some Skittles?  
  
Navi: Why do you think he's running around yelling, "Looking for Skittles?"  
  
Random Passerby: I don't know, but my script says to ask if he wants Skittles.  
  
Navi: Then why aren't you following your script?  
  
Random Passerby: Why aren't you?  
  
Navi: I don't have a script.  
  
Link: Now just hand over the Skittles so we can be done with the commercial and get to the FanFiction.  
  
Random Passerby: Commercial? This is supposed to be a full-length FanFiction featuring you adventuring  
  
through Hyrule to get some Skittles.  
  
Link: Let me guess, it was going to be called, "Skittles, Taste the Rainbow."  
  
Random Passerby: Right.  
  
Link: That's in studio 34, this is studio 32.  
  
Random Passerby: D'oh! Well, here's some Skittles anyway.  
  
(Random Passerby leaves.)  
  
Link: Anything to shortcut my way to a bag of Skittles!  
  
Voice: Taste the Rainbow.  
  
Link: On sale at your local candy or grocery store.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Okay, not the best commercial, but it's not that bad. By the way, I don't own Skittles, Silver_Star, or any  
of Silver_Star's work. Nor do I own Shrek and I definitely don't own Monty Python and the Holy Grail (though  
I wish I did.) Now on to the FanFiction...  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Chapter 4:  
The 1st Chapter not named after a video game, TV show, or movie  
  
Narrator: Last time, we left Link, he had just met Zelda and got a mysterious letter. He realized the the  
  
Deku Tree didn't give him the Kokiri Emerald, and Navi got eaten alive by a dragon. Let's see how everyone  
  
gets out of such a predicament...  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Link: Yay! Navi just got killed again!  
  
Zelda: Yay! No more annoying fairies!  
  
Dragon: No! I ate the most annoying character!  
  
(We flash inside the dragon's stomach. There is a mysteriously short man in there.)  
  
Navi: Hey! Look! Listen! Who are you?  
  
Mysteriously Short Man: I am Lord Farquaad. I'm a character, nearly as annoying as you, from the hit comedy  
  
movie, Shrek. I got eaten by this dragon at the end of the movie because I almost married an ogre.  
  
Navi: Weird. I just got eaten because of a dumb wheel.  
  
Navi and Lord Farquaad: (singing) Staying alive!  
  
Staying alive!  
  
Lord Farquaad: That's as far as I get in the movie, besides, the author doesn't know the rest of the song.  
  
Navi: Good, now I have to find a way out of here so I can get killed at the end of the FanFiction.  
  
Lord Farquaad: Just press that button over there, and the dragon opens up.  
  
Navi: If it works, how come you never did it.  
  
Lord Farquaad: Because I'm too stupid and short. Farewell.  
  
(Navi leaves the dragon and notices that Link is not there.)  
  
Navi: I bet he went to the Deku Tree to get the Emerald.  
  
Narrator: What are you doing out of the dragon?  
  
WHOOSH!  
  
(A fireball rains from the sky onto Navi.)  
  
Navi: %@$#!  
  
(Flash to Link at the Deku Tree.)  
  
Link: Finally, I can get the Emerald.  
  
(Link chops down the Deku Tree and takes the Emerald.)  
  
Link: I wonder what Saria would say if I told her I chopped down the Deku Tree.  
  
(Navi flies up to Link.)  
  
Navi: I don't know, maybe we should go ask her.  
  
Link: Okay, maybe I'll be a hero.  
  
Narrator: Maybe not.  
  
WHOOSH!  
  
(A fireball rains from the sky onto Link.)  
  
(Link goes to the Sacred Forest Meadow and talks to Saria.)  
  
Saria: Hello Link. I will teach you a new song so you can make Gorons dance and  
  
you can talk to me whenever you want, which will probably be never.  
  
Link: Okay.  
  
(Link learns the song. He stares at the Ocarina with an expression that says,   
  
What the heck?")  
  
Link: I have a question to ask before I go. If the kids of Kokiri Forest are  
  
never-aging, how did you get to look 10 years old? You should look like a newborn.  
  
Saria: Um, uh, I plead the fifth! It would ruin the game and FanFiction if I   
  
answered that, so I'll just say, don't question the mysteries of life, accept them.  
  
If you can't accept them, you'll be hit by a constant barrage of fireballs.  
  
WHOOSH!  
  
(A fireball rains from the sky onto Link.)  
  
WHOOSH!  
  
(A fireball rains from the sky onto Link.)  
  
WHOOSH!  
  
(A fireball rains from the sky onto Link.)  
  
WHOOSH!  
  
(A fireball rains from the sky onto Link.)  
  
WHOOSH!  
  
(A fireball rains from the sky onto Link.)  
  
WHOOSH!  
  
(A fireball rains from the sky onto Link.)  
  
WHOOSH!  
  
(A fireball rains from the sky onto Link.)  
  
WHOOSH!  
  
(A fireball rains from the sky onto Link.)  
  
WHOOSH!  
  
(A fireball rains from the sky onto Link.)  
  
Saria: You can't accept. Leave the forest!  
  
Link: Does this mean I'm not fit for the quest and a replacement has to be sent in?  
  
Saria: Yes.  
  
Link: YES!!! FINALLY!!!! I mean... darn, I was just getting into it, too. So  
  
who's the lucky replacement?  
  
Saria: Mido.  
  
Link: YES!!!!!  
  
(Link leaves and comes upon a bridge. A troll-like creature is standing there.)  
  
Troll-like Creature: What is your name?  
  
Link: Link.  
  
Troll-like Creature: What is your quest?  
  
Link: To catch some shut-eye.  
  
Troll-like Creature: What is your favorite color?  
  
Link: Orange.  
  
Troll-like Creature: OK, you may pass.  
  
(Saria walks up.)  
  
Troll-like Creature: What is your name?  
  
Saria: Saria.  
  
Troll-like Creature: What is your quest?  
  
Saria: To run far, far away.  
  
Troll-like Creature: What is the capital of Burkina Faso?  
  
Saria: I don't know.  
  
(Saria almost goes plunging off a cliff.)  
  
Narrator: You can't kill her. I still need her to grow up and be a sage.  
  
Troll-like Creature: Fine. Next!  
  
(Navi walks up.)  
  
Troll-like Creature: What is your name?  
  
Navi: Navi.  
  
Troll-like Creature: LIAR! You will plunge into the pit below.  
  
(Navi falls down the pit to her doom.)  
  
Link: Oh my God, the killed Navi, those %@$&$@*$!  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Narrator: Link has finally found a replacement and Navi has plunged to her doom will Mido be a formidable  
replacement? Will Link catch some shut-eye? Will I continue to use material from Monty Python?????? Tune   
in next time on channel 12 8/7c to see. 


	5. The Disappointment

The Legends of Zelda:  
  
The Little Hero  
  
A/N: I know my story is getting a bit weak, and the commercial was stupid, but I am   
getting better at this. If you have a good idea for a new title, review with the idea  
posted. As always, I don't own anything in the entire story. I don't even own the   
computer this is being typed on. And, if I get sued, I hope all 2 of my devoted readers  
will back me up. Oh yea, I got the CRACKOW parts from my good friend BioSpark (read his  
story, it's called Popstar Wars. It isn't about *NSYNC, so don't worry. It's about  
Kirby.)  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Chapter 5:  
  
The Disappointment  
  
Narrator: Last time, Link finally got his replacement and he was ready to go home for  
  
forty winks. Mido got to be the "lucky" replacement. Will Link really get his rest?...  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Link: YAY! I'm tired of this though. I'm going home.  
  
Saria: LOOK! The fireballs have stopped barraging you! You accept and can go on!  
  
Link: &$%@%#! At least this day can't get any worse.  
  
(Navi flies out of the pit.)  
  
Link: %#$#! I spoke to soon. I guess we got to go to Kakariko Village now.  
  
(Link and Navi head off to Kakariko. It is night when they arrive.)  
  
Link: Look at that scary dude by the tree. It must be a monster.  
  
Scary Dude by Tree: Monster? Have you taken a look at your mother?  
  
Link: My mother? Yea, well yo mama so fat... wait, my mother is dead.  
  
Scary Dude by Tree: Oh, uh sorry... Just don't fireball me.  
  
Link: Okay.  
  
CRACKOW  
  
(A bolt of lightning descends upon the Scary Dude by Tree.)  
  
(Scary Dude by Tree is now a pile of ashes.)  
  
*****************************************************************************************  
And now a commercial break! Keep in mind that I don't own CheezWhiz  
  
(Link is in a court room, on trial for mass murder of monsters.)  
  
Judge: You have killed numerous monsters, a crime punishable by death. What do you have  
to say for yourself?  
  
Link: First off, take a TicTac, second off...  
  
(A purple camel bursts into the room.)  
  
Purple Camel: Did somebody say TicTac?  
  
(The Purple Camel starts shooting TicTacs in random directions, killing the judge, the  
plaintiff, all the attorneys, and the innocent bystanders.)  
  
Purple Camel: Radioactive TicTacs...  
  
Link: Can't live with them, can't win a trial without them.  
  
Okay, once again I don't have the greatest commercial, but all my great ideas are taken  
by my two favorite authors, Silver_Star and BioSpark.  
*****************************************************************************************  
  
(Link now standing in front of the guard at the gate.)  
  
Link: Hello Mr. Guard. I need to climb the mountain to save Hyrule.  
  
Guard: HA HA HA! You save Hyrule? You're just a kid.  
  
Link: Here's a letter from Princess Zelda.  
  
(The guard takes a look at the letter.)  
  
Guard: HEY! This isn't her handwriting. I think that fairy forged it.  
  
(Guard looks up and notices Link already climbed the gate to the other side.)  
  
(Link climbs up the mountain to City.)  
  
(Link walks up to a rock.)  
  
Link: Hello Mr. Rock.  
  
Rock: Hello, but I'm not a rock, I'm a Boron.  
  
Link: Don't you mean Goron?  
  
Rock: No, I mean I'm a Boron. You are in Boron City. The Gorons are in the next city over.  
  
Link: Whatever.  
  
(Link goes to Goron City.)  
  
Link: Finally! Goron City.  
  
(Link goes into Darunia's Room.)  
  
Link: Hello. Just give me the bracelet so I can get outta here.  
  
Darunia: Here.  
  
(Link leaves and enters Dodongo Cavern. He works his way up to the bomb bag chest.)  
  
(Link opens the Chest.)  
  
Link: Yay! Bombs! Die Navi!  
  
CRACKOW!  
  
Narrator: Hold the trigger there partner. Wait till the end of the chapter.  
  
Link: Fine.  
  
(Link works his way up till he has to jump into the room.)  
  
Link: CANONBAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLL!  
  
(Link canonballs into the room below, write into the lava.)  
  
Link: YEOOOOWWWWWWWW!  
  
(Link runs around the room until he runs smack into King Dodongo. The King turns around.)  
  
King Dodongo: Hello Clarisse.  
  
Navi: Two words: Tic. Tac.  
  
(A purple camel bursts into the room.)  
  
Purple Camel: Did somebody say TicTac?  
  
Navi: Yes, this guy really needs one.  
  
(The purple camel shoots out two TicTacs, one to King Dodongo, and one to Navi. They both die.)  
  
Purple Camel: Radioactive TicTacs, can't live with them, can't fight anyone without them.  
  
Link: Dude, we've already done a commercial, no stupid slogans allowed.  
  
Purple Camel: Fine, but I think you're forgetting your line.  
  
Link: Oh yea. Oh my God, the killed Navi, those #@$&@*%$!  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Narrator: Okay, it's the stupidest chapter yet, but I'm rusty. Plus I haven't seen Monty Python   
in so long and no other movies can compare to the humor. But, Link is on his way to his quest,  
and the Purple Camel seems to be a Radioactive TicTac advertiser. Will Link get the Triforce  
in a couple of chapters? Obviously not, but I have to say that just for a good end. Anyway,  
over and out. 


	6. The Telephone Booth of Time

The Legends of Zelda:  
  
The Little--  
  
Narrator: Psst psst psst.  
  
Note to Reader: Ahem, it seems we have a new title:  
  
Link and Navi's Excellent Adventure  
  
Note to Reader: From now on, there will no longer be any A/N's because they are stupid (yay!).  
However, the part will be taken on by "Note to Reader" and Note to Reader will say more.  
Now, I do not own Bill and Ted, Bill and Ted's phone booth, or anything else Bill and Ted.  
I also do not own any trademarked, copywrited, and/or patented things listed in this  
story, such as 1-800-CALL-ATT.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Chapter 6:  
  
Enter the Fish(es)  
  
Narrator: Last time in this FanFiction, we had a different title, now, with a new title underway,  
  
Link has already beat King Dodongo. Let's watch Link's quest for the Triforce continue.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Link: Okay, purple TicTac camel dude, in the week it took to get this new chapter up, you've been  
  
getting really annoying.  
  
Purple Camel: Am I released from duty sir?  
  
Link: I guess. DISMISSED!  
  
Purple Camel: See ya!  
  
(The purple camel leaves and Link grabs the heart and is transported out of the dungeon, he arrives  
  
in front of the dungeon. Darunia is there.)  
  
Darunia: Ah, you have killed the annoying one, you may have the Ruby.  
  
Link: Since when is King Dodongo annoying? Well, I wouldn't want to be at a party with him, but  
  
he's not that bad.  
  
Darunia: I meant the fairy.  
  
Link: You mean all I had to do was kill Navi the entire time? &%*$!  
  
(Darunia gives Link the Ruby.)  
  
Darunia: Now, we are Brothers.  
  
Link: Oh, crap  
  
Darunia: Now come give me a big Goron hug.  
  
Link: Oh, crap  
  
(Navi comes flying out of the cave.)  
  
Link: Oh, crap  
  
Darunia: Give me back the stone, the annoying one is not dead.  
  
Link: Never!  
  
(Link jumps off of the cliff, he lands below, flat as a pancake.)  
  
Link: Did anyone get the number of that truck?  
  
(Link gets up, eventually.)  
  
Link: Time to go to Zora River.  
  
Navi: HEY! LOOK! LISTEN!  
  
Link: .....  
  
Navi: HEY! LOOK! LISTEN!  
  
Link: .....  
  
Navi: HEY! LOOK! LISTEN! Just hit the %#@ C-up button.  
  
Link: Fine.  
  
Navi: Maybe we should go to Zora River...  
  
Link: I just said that.  
  
Navi: But I wouldn't be the annoying fairy if I didn't do that.  
  
Link: Good point.  
  
(Link gets up to the waterfall to get inside.)  
  
Link: Hmmm, when I pull out the Ocarina, it brings up a staff. What do I do?  
  
Navi: How about play Zelda's Lullaby?  
  
Link: No, too obvious. I'm jumping through the waterfall.  
  
(Link jumps through and gets inside.)  
  
(Link walks up to the dive master.)  
  
Link: Hello Mr. Fish Person thing.  
  
Dive Master: Hello Mr. Fairy Boy that always wears green (so far).  
  
Link: You cheeky little...  
  
Dive Master: Hey, do you want this scale, or not.  
  
Link: I want it.  
  
Dive Master: So grab all the rupees I throw.  
  
(Link wins the game first try, goes through the shortcut and finds the bottle.)  
  
Link: Hmmm, a bottle. There seems to be a paper inside.  
  
(Link takes out the paper and reads it.)  
  
Letter: I'm Princess Ruto and I'm stuck in the big fish. All heroes must come and save me, but  
  
don't tell King Zora (hint, hint)  
  
Link: It's useless.  
  
(He drops it into the ocean.)  
  
(Link goes back to the King.)  
  
Link: Hello Big Fat Fish Man.  
  
King Zora: Wheat, wheat.  
  
Link: Can you scoot your fat butt over? Your daughter is stuck in the big fish.  
  
(The King moves over, making the weird "wheat, wheat" sound.)  
  
(Link goes back to Lord Jabu Jabu.)  
******************************************************************************************  
Note to Reader: Time for a commercial break! (I don't own cheese or behold the power of cheese.)  
  
(Link is at Lord Jabu Jabu and sees a nearby, conveniently located waterfall.)  
  
Link: Interesting, I can probably skip a long quest if that fish jumps into those also  
  
conveniently located sharp rocks at the bottom, but I have nothing to lure him in...  
  
(A heavenly light shines on Link, a cheese cube gently falls into his hand.)  
  
(Link throws the Cheese down to the rocks, Lord Jabu Jabu follows and dies.)  
  
Link: Behold the power of cheese!  
  
Note to Reader: My best commercial yet, it was written for me personally by BioSpark (handy guy, huh?)  
*************************************************************************************************  
  
Lord Jabu Jabu: Like I would ever be that stupid.  
  
Link: You are.  
  
(Link takes out some cheese and tosses it down to the conveniently located sharp rocks at the   
bottom of the conveniently located waterfall. Lord Jabu Jabu jumps down.)  
  
Lord Jabu Jabu: It's too hard to resiiiiiiiiiissssssssssssst!  
  
Link: Behold the power of cheese!  
  
(Lord Jabu Jabu keeps falling. Zoom into Link's eyes. You can see the reflection of a rainbow  
in front of him. You see as Princess Ruto and a boomerang fly up to Link. Link grabs the boomerang  
and lets Ruto fall next to him.)  
  
Ruto: You saved me, have this Sapphire.  
  
Link: Okay.  
  
Ruto: Now you must marry me when we grow up.  
  
(Link gets that "Oh, hell" look on his face)  
  
Ruto: That's the breaks.  
  
(Link runs all the way to outside the Marketplace, Zelda and Impa come galloping out  
on the white horse. Link and Zelda stare into each other's eyes.)  
  
Zelda: Hurry, Link! We don't have much time!  
  
(Zelda, somehow, hefts a telephone booth up and throws it into the moat.)  
  
Zelda: Goodbye, Link.  
  
(They gallop off, Ganondorf gallops in on his magnificent black steed.)  
  
Ganondorf: That telephone booth in the moat isn't the Telephone Booth of Time, is it?  
  
Link: Uhhhh, no?  
  
Ganondorf: Fine, I must find Zelda.  
  
(Ganondorf gallops off.)  
  
Link: Man that guy is stupid.  
  
Ganondorf, in the distance: I HEARD THAT!!  
  
(He shoots a green bolt at Link.)  
  
Link: (staggering back) Oww.  
  
(Link runs into the Telephone Booth of Time.)  
  
(A memory of Zelda, in black and white, appears.)  
  
Zelda: Always remember this telephone number, with the ability to turn time.  
  
(Carrot top appears.)  
  
Carrot top: Remember to dial down center: 1-800-CALL-ATT.  
  
(Carrot top sees Zelda.)  
  
Carrot top: I'd like to dial down your center.  
  
(Zelda pulls out an uzi and kills Carrot top.)  
  
(The Memory fades.)  
  
Link: Time to save Hyrule.  
  
(Link runs into the market place. He sees a random drunk)  
  
Link: Hello Random Drunk, why are you here?  
  
Random Drunk: To kill Navi.  
  
Link: Why?  
  
Random Drunk: Because it is in the script.  
  
Link: Why?  
  
Random Drunk: Because the author wrote it that way.  
  
Link: Why?  
  
Random Drunk: Because Navi is annoying.  
  
Link: Okay.  
  
(The Random Drunk pulls out a flyswatter and swacks Navi hard.)  
  
Link: Oh my god, he killed Navi, that %@$&@#*!  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Narrator: Link has finally got the acclaimed Telephone Booth of Time and learned  
the Telephone Number of Time! He is so close to the Triforce. I am saving the   
7 year part for the 7th chapter (it was a coincidence, I didn't even plan it.) Just  
keep reading.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Note to Reader: If you want to be in my FanFiction, review my story with an   
answer the following polls, tell me that you want to be in it, and describe your  
character and/or your character's part in the story if you wish.  
  
Poll #1:  
What do you think of my FanFiction?  
  
A) I love it!  
B) I love it!  
C) I love it!  
D) I love it!  
E) I love it!  
F) I love it!  
G) I love it!  
H) I love it!  
I) I love it!  
J) I'm just answering to be in the FanFic  
Note I put the same answer 9 times, because anything less and I'd have to come to  
your house and stab you with a corkscrew. I would also  
*****NOTE*****  
The following sentence pieces have been omitted and will be edited for content  
before I decide it would be suitable for this website.  
  
Poll #2:  
How do you pronounce Deku (my friends and I are of varied opinions)  
A) Dee-koo  
B) Deck-oo  
C) Day-koo  
D) Who cares, you're always understood anyway. 


	7. 7 in the Chamber

Link and Navi's Excellent Adventure  
  
Note to Reader: I have decided, since this is chapter 7, that the chapter will mainly  
encompass the 7 years in the Chamber of Sages. I will make a timeline containing events  
that I so choose to include, both humorous and not, both inside and outside the Chamber.  
I don't own any trademarked, copywrited, and/or patented things listed in my story.  
Nor do I own anything of BioSpark's, including 20% of the jokes in here, or Smart Alleck.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Chapter 7:  
  
7 in the Chamber  
  
Narrator: So Link has found the acclaimed Telephone Booth of Time. He entered the  
  
town and is ready to get the Sacred Triforce. Now... the final chapter (B.C. (before chaos))  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
(The Random Drunk lifts the flyswatter, Navi somehow is still alive.)  
  
Link: &$#@!  
  
Random Drunk: Darn.  
  
Link: It's my cursed fate.  
  
(Link runs into the Temple of Time. He pulls out the Spiritual Stones and places them onto  
  
the pedestal. He then pulls out the Telephone Booth of Time.)  
  
Navi: How the heck were you carrying that thing around.  
  
Link: Beats me. In fact, how do I carry anything around.  
  
(Heart-flower, the cat-like Kirby creature from BioSpark's FanFiction, even though Heart-Flower  
was in fact was created by Yami no Yugi Chan, appears.)  
  
Heart-flower: Don't question things you can't explain.  
  
(All characters look up reverently.)  
  
(The Herbal Essence guys burst through the door.)  
  
Herbal Essence Guy #1: Alright Heart-Flower, back to the Kirby Fic.  
  
Heart-Flower: NOOO. You can't make me!  
  
(The Herbal Essence Guys start to drag her off. Heart-Flower keeps yelling NOOO!.)  
  
Herbal Essence Guys: Herbal in the shower  
Every half an hour!  
  
Link: NOOOOOOOOOO!  
  
(Herbal Essence Guys leave scene.)  
  
Smart Alleck: Was some person pondering over the fact that Link holds multiple items unseen?  
  
Link: No, not at all.  
  
Smart Alleck: While I'm here... It is possible because the artifacts in question are made at a density allowing  
empty spaces. Therefore, the artifacts that have been collected throughout your endeavors can be squeezed down  
to be pocket-sized.  
  
Link: I still don't have any pockets.  
  
Smart Alleck: You got me there. (He looks weaker.) NOOOO! My power is diminishing.  
  
(Smart Alleck melts into a pile of goo.)  
  
Link: That dumb owl was better.  
  
(Kaepora Gaebora comes up.)  
  
Kaepora Gaebora: Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah....  
  
(Link hops into the Telephone Booth and dials (Carrot top pops up)  
  
Carrot top: 1-800-CALL-ATT.)  
  
(The Door of Time opens, Link grabs the Master Sword. He chops Carrot top, and realizes  
that he pulled The Master Sword.)  
  
Link: Uh-oh. Last time I did this, I got trapped in the Chamber.  
  
(Link enters the Chamber to get trapped.)  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Year 1  
******  
  
Day 29  
------  
Ganondorf, with his newly acquired Triforce piece, starts raining chaos. He destroys  
the Marketplace, forcing the inhabitants to move to Kakariko.  
  
Day 148  
-------  
The people of Zora's Domain mourn the loss of Lord Jabu Jabu, they start making wanted  
signs of Link.  
  
Day 342  
-------  
Rauru realizes that with all this time alone with Link gives him many chances for pranks.  
  
Day 343  
-------  
Rauru tries to think of a prank.  
  
Day 344  
-------  
Rauru is still thinking.  
  
Day 345  
-------  
Rauru realizes that he has a learning disability, inhibiting him from ever learning  
any good pranks.  
  
Day 346  
-------  
Rauru tries to use the "whipped cream on the hand, tickle the nose with a feather"  
prank before remembering that Link couldn't wake up for 7 years.  
  
Day 347  
-------  
Rauru gives up and devotes his time to thinking of a prank for the next year.  
  
Year 2  
******  
  
Day 46  
------  
Ganondorf decides to make Hell freeze over.  
  
Day 47  
------  
Ganondorf realizes that they don't have a Hell in Hyrule, decides to make Zora's  
Domain freeze over.  
  
Day 83  
------  
Ganondorf takes over the Kokiri Forest, since the Great Deku Tree was no longer  
protecting it. Kokiris disappear.  
  
Day 152  
-------  
Ganondorf kills Dampe and makes him a ghost.  
  
Day 332  
-------  
Rauru finally thinks of a good prank.  
  
Day 333  
-------  
Rauru realizes that he forgot his prank.  
  
Day 334  
------  
Rauru remembers the prank.  
  
Day 335  
-------  
Rauru submerges Link's hand into hot water over night, hoping  
it will make Link "Have to go"  
  
Day 336  
-------  
Rauru realizes he used hydrochloric acid and burned of Link's fingerprints.  
  
Day 337  
------  
Rauru realizes that he helped Link by burning off the fingerprints.  
  
Day 367  
-------  
Rauru is stupid and logs the Day 2 of Year 3 as Day 367 of Year 2.  
  
Year 3  
------  
  
Day 3  
-----  
Rauru realizes his mistake and starts logging correctly.  
  
Day 174  
-------  
Ganondorf lowers the water level in Lake Hylia, the Zoras disappear altogether.  
  
Day 250  
-------  
Ganondorf realizes that Hyrule Castle is too "good"  
  
Day 300  
-------  
The new black castle suspended over lava is complete. Nearby landscape is  
wiped out.  
  
Day 340  
-------  
Rauru buys "The Big Book of Pranks"  
  
Day 350  
-------  
Rauru finishes reading Chapter 1 of "The Big Book of Pranks" (apparently he also has  
dislexia).  
  
Day 351  
-------  
Rauru fills Link's bed with scorpions, Link gets bitten, pinched, and stung, but doesn't  
wake up.  
  
Day 366  
-------  
LEAP YEAR!!!!!!!!  
  
Year 4  
******  
  
Day 180  
-------  
Sacred Forest Meadow is taken over by moblins.  
  
Day 190  
-------  
Goron City empties out mysteriously (Ganondorf stuck them in cages in Death Mountain.)  
  
Day 330  
-------  
Rauru has finished reading Chapter 2, finally.  
  
Day 345  
-------  
Rauru puts scorpions in Link's bed.  
  
Day 350  
-------  
Rauru realizes he did the same prank 2 years in a row.  
  
Year 5  
******  
  
Day 69  
------  
Ganondorf feels a Hero awaking.  
  
Day 78  
------  
Ganondorf creates a phantom of himself.  
  
Day 80  
------  
Phantom Ganondorf tries to rebel and take over as the Evil King.  
  
Day 81  
-----  
Ganondorf locks Phantom Ganondorf in the Forest Temple as a boss for the  
awaking Hero.  
  
Day 132  
-------  
Ganondorf decides to revive the Fire Dragon, Volvagia.  
  
Day 133  
-------  
Volvagia asks Ganondorf if he is a Goron. When Ganondorf says no, Volvagia  
tries to eat him anyway.  
  
Day 135  
-------  
Ganondorf finally escapes Volvagia's lair and locks him up.  
  
Day 247  
-------  
Ganondorf uses the water he stole from Lake Hylia to make a water amoeba, Morpha.  
  
Day 248  
-------  
Morpha keeps throwing Ganondorf around, Ganondorf decides to lock up Morpha, too.  
  
Day 356  
-------  
Rauru pierces Link's ears.  
  
Day 357  
-------  
Rauru realizes the piercings look cool, once again helping Link.  
  
Year 6  
******  
  
Day 79  
------  
Ganondorf decides to try another creature to kill the waking Hero.  
  
Day 89  
------  
Ganondorf captures the soul of a bongo player, uses him as a shadow creature.  
  
Day 112  
-------  
Ganondorf is finally annoyed by the incessant drumming of the bongo. He locks  
Bongo Bongo up in the Shadow temple.  
  
Day 135  
-------  
Ganondorf calls his good friends Koume and Kotake.  
  
Day 140  
-------  
Ganondorf gets tired of Koume and Kotake arguing, locks them up in the Spirit Temple.  
  
Day 150  
-------  
Ganondorf decides to stop making creatures to kill Link.  
  
Day 180  
-------  
Ganondorf uses dead people to create ReDeads and Poes.  
  
Day 310  
-------  
Rauru realizes he has very little time left for pranks.  
  
Day 337  
-------  
Rauru takes the mattress, blankets, and pillow from the bed. Link still sleeps.  
  
Year 7  
******  
  
Day 1  
-----  
Rauru starts thinking up the perfect prank.  
  
Day 60  
------  
Rauru thinks of it, starts preparing.  
  
Day 90  
------  
Ganondorf makes some last minute adjustments and finds his plans perfect.  
  
Day 366  
-------  
LEAP YEAR!!!  
  
Year 8  
******  
  
Day 1  
-----  
Rauru puts his plan into effect.  
***************************************************************************  
End of timeline.  
  
(We see Link's dream.)  
****FLASH****  
(Link is sleeping in his tree.)  
  
Link: Zzzzzzz.  
  
(The Teletubbies come bursting into the tree.)  
  
****FLASH****  
(Link wakes up.)  
  
Link: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!  
  
(Link sees 50 Navis flying in his face.)  
  
Link: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!  
  
Rauru: Ho ho ho! Just kidding!  
  
(Rauru incinerates them all.)  
  
Link: Phew, all the Navi's are gone. Wait...  
  
(Link pats down his body, realizes the real Navi is gone.)  
  
Link: Oh my god, you killed Navi, you %*#@%@$!  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Narrator: Link has spent 7 years in the Chamber. He has now awakened as the Hero of  
Time. Will Link live up to his destiny??? Will I remember more Monty Python jokes?  
Will I stop taking the jokes that BioSpark tells me to use in my FanFiction???? Tune  
in next time to see. 


	8. Now and Then

Link and Navi's Excellent Adventure  
  
Note to Reader: Just clarifying, but this FanFiction is now co-authored by BioSpark.  
Be sure to read his other FanFiction "Popstar Wars." It is about Kirby, and is very  
humorous. Also, since Chapter 7 didn't have a commericial, this chapter is going to  
have a 1 1/2 commercial. By the way, I don't own anything that I don't own, and I hope  
you know what I don't own, like commercial stuff. Paraphrased, I don't own anything  
at all.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Chapter 8:  
  
Now and Then  
  
Narrator: Link has spent 7 years in a chamber, and awoke to a terrrible prank played  
  
by Rauru. Now, when Link is 17, he is going to save Hyrule from the chaos Ganondorf  
  
caused in the past 7 years.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Link: Ding dong the witch is dead.  
  
Rauru: Oh which oh witch?  
  
Link: The wicked witch.  
  
Rauru: Ding dong the wick...  
  
Navi: Hey guys!  
  
Link: %&*$#!  
  
(A house falls on Link.)  
  
High-pitched disembodied voices: Ding dong the witch is dead...  
  
Link: I'm alive!!  
  
(Link looks at Rauru.)  
  
Link: You, you caused this all Rauru. Now hand over the Light Medallion and you don't  
get hurt.  
  
Rauru: Bu- Bu- But I'm going to sell it on E-Bay...  
  
(Link takes out his sword and, in the cleanest possible description, fileted Rauru  
like the special of the day at a seafood restaurant.)  
  
Navi: Loot the pockets!  
  
(Link takes the contents out of Rauru's pocket.)  
  
Link: Dang, he's only got 6 bucks and a Blockbuster card.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
KAAAAAAA-WIIIIIZ!  
  
Narrator: Chuck Quizmo, this is not the right fic. BioSpark is working on a Paper  
Mario fic if you're looking for a job...  
  
(Chuck looks around.)  
  
(A moment of awkward silence.)  
  
(Chuck leaves.)  
  
Now time for a commercial break!  
************************************  
(It's in the Chamber of Sages. Link, Rauru, and Navi are all there.)  
  
Link: Now, hand over the Medallion.  
  
Rauru: Nope.  
  
(Link pulls a blue card out of his pocket. He holds scissors about to cut the card.)  
  
Link: Hand it over or the Blockbuster card gets it...  
  
(Rauru searches through his pockets and pulls out a burger.)  
  
Rauru: Crap.  
  
Link: Aren't you on the Subway diet?  
  
Rauru: Uhh, how'd that get there?  
  
(Rauru keeps searching and pulls out some fries and onion rings)  
  
Rauru: Crap.  
  
(Rauru pulls out a whole McDonalds restaurant.  
  
Rauru: (looks at the McDonalds) How'd that fit in there?  
  
(Smart Aleck appears.)  
  
Smart Aleck: I just explained this in the last chapter!!  
  
Link: You also melted into a pile of goo in the last chapter...  
  
Smart Aleck: I regenerated!  
  
Link: How?  
  
Smart Aleck: I don't know... CRAP!  
  
(Smart Aleck starts turning into a pile of goo.)  
  
(Rauru finally pulls out the Medallion and hands it to Link. Link gives the card back to Rauru.)  
  
Link: Finally.  
  
(Link skips off through town.)  
  
Link: I have the Light Medallion!  
  
(It starts to rain, a big drop falls on the medallion and soaks it all the way through.)  
  
Link: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I gave up the Blockbuster card for a cardboard medallion!!!  
*********************************************************  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
(Link leaves the Temple of Time and runs to Kakariko. He sees a group of people surrounding  
a lady at the well.)  
  
Man#1: Well, if she weighs the same as a duck, she is made of wool, and is therefore a witch.  
  
Man#2: You mean she is made of wood.  
  
Man#1: What?  
  
Man#2: The line is, if she weighs the same as a duck, she is made of wood, and is therefore a   
witch.  
  
(Man#1 looks around, blinking blankly.)  
  
Man#1: Who cares? Burn her!  
  
Everyone: BURN HER!!!!  
  
(Link squeezes through the crowd.)  
  
Link: Pardon me, coming through.  
  
(Link goes to the graveyard and goes under the grave. The Ghost of Dampe (I'd abbreviate it as GoD, but  
good Christian realizes that GoD would be a bad abbreviation) is there.)  
  
Ghost of Dampe: Just race me and BOING you can get BOING my springy prize BOING and I  
can go back BOING to looking at my porno BOING.  
  
(Link races the Ghost of Dampe and wins.)  
  
Ghost of Dampe: Finally BOING, I can get BOING back to my BOING porno in piece.  
  
(Link runs through the shortcut into the windmill and jumps in. Link steps outside.)  
  
(The townspeople see Link step out.)  
  
Townspeople: It's another witch!  
  
Link: Me? I'm no witch!  
  
Townspeople: No, the thing flying next to you!  
  
Link: Navi?  
  
Man#1: If it weighs...  
  
Man#2: Forget it. BURN HER!  
  
(Omitting the gory details, the townspeople capture and burn Navi.)  
  
Link: Oh my god, you killed Navi, you $&%#@$!  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Narrator: Will Link be able to save Hyrule? Will he ever get the Light Medallion?  
  
Will Navi stop dieing? Well, probably not since that is half the humor, but it sounds  
  
good, huh?  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Note to Reader: If you want to be in my FanFiction, review my story with an   
answer the following polls, tell me that you want to be in it, and describe your  
character and/or your character's part in the story if you wish.  
  
Note to Reader #2: There has only been one change in the polls, by BioSpark.  
He will be placed in one of the later chapters by request...  
  
Poll #1:  
What do you think of my FanFiction?  
  
A) I love it! (0)  
B) I love it! (0)  
C) I love it! (0)  
D) I love it! (0)  
E) I love it! (0)  
F) I love it! (0)  
G) I love it! (0)  
H) I love it! (0)  
I) I love it! (0)  
J) I'm just answering to be in the FanFic (1)  
Note I put the same answer 9 times, because anything less and I'd have to come to  
your house and stab you with a corkscrew. I would also  
*****NOTE*****  
The following sentence pieces have been omitted and will be edited for content  
before I decide it would be suitable for this website.  
  
Poll #2:  
How do you pronounce Deku (my friends and I are of varied opinions)  
A) Dee-koo (0)  
B) Deck-oo (1)  
C) Day-koo (0)  
D) Who cares, you're always understood anyway. (0) 


	9. Bio Spark Hijacks a Chapter

Chapter 9- Bio Spark Hijacks a Chapter.  
  
Master Zora- *sigh* I don't know what to write...  
  
(Suddenly, Bio Spark knocks the door down and runs in, followed by all the characters in The Quest for Kirby.)  
  
Master Zora- What the @#&! are you doing!?!  
  
Bio Spark- I'll write the chapter!  
  
(He snaps his fingers, and all the characters jump on Master Zora. A short while later, he's hog-tied up in a broom closet.)  
  
Bio Spark- Thanks, guys.  
  
All The Quest for Kirby Characters- No problem!  
  
(They leave.)  
  
Bio Spark- Okay, I own nothing in this chapter! Enjoy! ^-^  
  
(Link walks over to the pile of ashes where the fire used to be.)  
  
Link- YES! DING, DONG! THE NAVI'S DEAD!  
  
(Navi pops out of the ashes.)  
  
Navi- *Ta-da!*  
  
(Link rolls his eyes, and they set out to Kokiri Forest, only to find it, well, dead.)  
  
Link- COOL!  
  
(He runs into his old tree house.)  
  
Navi- What are you doing?  
  
(Link is going through his toy box.)  
  
Link- Ohhh, I remember this! My slinky! Oh, and my yo-yo!  
  
Navi- Come ON! We have a world to save!  
  
Link- Huh? What's this?  
  
(He pulls a piece of paper out of the toy box.)  
  
Link- (reading) Dear Master Zora, are you going insane!?! You're making me follow around some stupid idiot who wears a stupid green SKIRT! HELP ME! PLEASE! Sincerely, Navi the fairy.  
  
Link- Grrrrrrrrr...  
  
(He looks over at Navi, who has a piece of paper.)  
  
Navi- (reading) Dear Bio Spark, what's your @#$%&@! problem!?! You're making a STUPID FAIRY who says nothing but, "Hey, look, listen! Hey, look, listen!" over and over follow me around! GET RID OF IT! Link, hero of time.  
  
(They glare at each other, then shrug, and run all the way through the Lost Woods, until they come across Mido.)  
  
Mido- None shall pass.  
  
Navi- Excuse me?  
  
Mido- None shall pass.  
  
Link- I have no quarrel with you, but I must go through this tunnel!  
  
Mido- I move, for no man.  
  
Link- SO BE IT!  
  
(He chops Mido's head off, then runs all the way to the Forest Temple.)  
  
Link- Let's see how this thing works...  
  
(He pulls out the Hookshot, aims it at the temple enterance, and fires. It ricoched off the enterance, off another wall, and hits the tree.)  
  
Link- I meant to do that.  
  
Navi- (rolls eyes)  
  
(They run through the first few halls until they find four Poes.)  
  
Poe 1- Look! It's Robin Hood!  
  
Poe 2- No, it's Superman!  
  
Poe 3- It's a vacume cleaner salesman!  
  
Poe 4- Let's go hide and make him kill us!  
  
All- YAY!  
  
(They all run away. Link works his way through the temple until he finds a portrait of a Poe.)  
  
Link- Okay, let's see...  
  
(He pulls out his slingshot. He accidentaly crushes it in his hand.)  
  
Link- #@$!  
  
Navi- Oh yeah! You can't use stuff you used as a kid!  
  
Link- Now you tell me.  
  
(Link goes further, finds the bow, then comes back to the Poe.)  
  
Link- I've got you now! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!  
  
(He runs forward waving his sword in the air. The Poe laughs at him, then vanishes.)  
  
Link- Crap.  
  
(He turns around, as sees a portrait.)  
  
Link- YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!  
  
(Vanishes again.)  
  
Link- Grrrrrrrr...  
  
(He turns around, and sees it again.)  
  
Link- YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!  
  
(More vanishing.)  
  
Navi- Use the *&%$#@! bow!  
  
Link- I knew that!  
  
(He shoots the portraits out, and the Poe appears.)  
  
Poe- I'll make you a deal. Give me 50 rupees, and I'll just vanish for no apparent reason.  
  
Link- Deal!  
  
(He pays the Poe, and it vanishes. He runs to the next Poe's room, and shoots more portraits.)  
  
Poe- Please don't kill me!!!  
  
Link- Tell you what, I'll flip a coin to see who wins! Heads I win, tails you lose. Deal?  
  
Poe- Deal!  
  
(Stunned silence.)  
  
Poe- Crap.  
  
(Link flips the coin, but who cares where it lands. The Poe dissappears.)  
  
Audience member- I care where the coin lands!  
  
(Bio Spark shoots the audience member with a pistol.)  
  
Bio Spark- Anyone else?  
  
(Audience shakes their heads.)  
  
Bio Spark- That's what I thought. Well, it's time for a commercial.  
  
Goompa- Hello. Zees ez Goompa, advertizing zee vanviction Cardboard Mario. Zeez ez a good vic vere Mario ez dooing ztuff.  
  
(Goompa is hit with a hammer, and is knocked unconscious.)  
  
Mario- Ok, that accent is REALLY annoying.  
  
(Mario is hit with a hammer, and is knocked unconscious.)  
  
Luigi- HA! Stupid brother!  
  
(Luigi is hit with a hammer, and is knocked unconscious.)  
  
Bowser- BWAHAHA! I'm so evil!  
  
(Bowser is hit with a hammer, and is knocked unconscious.)  
  
Master Zora- LET ME OUT OF THIS @#$*%&! CLOSET!  
  
(Master Zora is hit with a hammer, and is knocked unconscious.)  
  
Bio Spark- Okay, that got out of hand. Back to the story.  
  
Link- I like the other author better...  
  
(Bio Spark cocks his pistol.)  
  
Link- Uh, never mind.  
  
(Link runs through more temple, and finds another Poe.)  
  
Poe- If you pick the number I'm thinking of, I'll die.  
  
Link- 2,435,682,113,902,453,119,788,580,123,001 1/2.  
  
Poe- $@#% YOU!!!  
  
(The Poe dies. Link goes back to the room where he saw all the Poes, and the last one is waiting for him.)  
  
Poe- SOLVE MY PUZZLE, OR ELSE!?!  
  
Link- Or else what?  
  
Poe- OR ELSE I'LL MAKE YOU START THE PUZZLE OVER AGAIN AND AGAIN!  
  
(A 4 piece jigsaw puzzle apears.)  
  
Navi- I thought it would be bigger.  
  
(4 huge blocks fall on the small pieces.)  
  
Link- Crap.  
  
(He solves the puzzle.)  
  
Poe- Good, but now I'll kill you!  
  
(Poe creates a bunch of clones and starts circling Link.)  
  
Link- Uh, I'll pick that one!  
  
(He shoots an arrow, and misses. The arrow bounces off the wall, hits the celling, and cuts down a chandelier. It falls, and crushes the correct Poe. An elevator comes up.)  
  
Navi- Lucky shot. But wasn't the puzzle supposed to happen on the 3rd Poe?  
  
(Heart-Flower appears out of nowhere.)  
  
Heart-Flower- Don't question things you can't explain!  
  
(The Herbal Essences Shampoo guys run into the room. Heart-Flower runs from the room screaming, followed by the singing shampoo guys.)  
  
Navi- O.O  
  
(They go down and find themselves in a room with pushable walls. Link pushes the wall, then checks a hole. He finds Mario and Peach making out.)  
  
Mario- Do you mind?  
  
Link- 0o0  
  
(Link pushes the wall again, and checks a hole. He finds Kirby and Ribbon making out.)  
  
Ribbon- PEEPING TOM!  
  
(She slaps Link.)  
  
Navi- HEY! LOOK! LISTEN!  
  
Ribbon- We're both fairies!  
  
Link- NOOOOO! NO MORE FAIRIES!  
  
(He kills Ribbon. Kirby just smiles and waves. Link revolves the room. He's sees Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinski making out.)  
  
Bill- I AM NOT SLEEPING WITH THIS WOMAN!  
  
Monica- NEITHER AM I! ... Did that sound gay?  
  
(Link revolves the room and finds the boss door. He goes in, and Phantom Ganon jumps out of a portrait.)  
  
Phantom Ganon- BWAHAHA! DIE!  
  
(Luigi runs into the room and sucks Phantom Ganon up with the Poltergeist 3000. Saria apears.)  
  
Saria- Thank you, Luigi, but our princess is in another castle.  
  
Luigi- *#$@!  
  
Saria- Here, take this green thing instead.  
  
(She gives Luigi the Forest Medallion.)  
  
Luigi- COOL! I wonder how much I'd get for it at a pawn shop...  
  
(He leaves. Saria teleports Link outside the temple.)  
  
Navi- We didn't get that Medallion, either!  
  
Link- Life sucks, get over it.  
  
(They head off for the Great Deku Tree.)  
  
Navi- Great Deku Tree, I'm back!  
  
(He's still dead.)  
  
Navi- Dang.  
  
(A small sprout pops up.)  
  
Great Deku Tree Sprout- HI! I'M THE GREAT DEKU TREE SPROUT!  
  
Link- Are you just as stupid as the Great Deku Tree?  
  
G.D.T.S.- No.  
  
(Link and Navi sigh with relief.)  
  
G.D.T.S.- I'm much, much stupider.  
  
Navi- HEY! LOOK! LISTEN!  
  
G.D.T.S.- ACK! TERMITE! DADDY!  
  
(Great Deku Tree comes to life, kills Navi in an R-rated manner, then dies again.)  
  
Link- YOU KILLED NAVI, YOU @#$%&#!  
  
Bio Spark- Ah, finished this chapter!  
  
(Suddenly, Master Zora bursts in.)  
  
Bio Spark- How'd you get out?  
  
Master Zora- I have author powers.  
  
Bio Spark- Oh.  
  
Master Zora- I'll use my author powers to blast you back to your Kirby fics.  
  
Bio Spark- OOH, JUST YOU WAIT! I'LL BE BACK, AND I'LL WRITE SUCH A GOOD CHAPTER, YOUR FANS WILL WANT ME TO FINISH THIS FIC! BWAHAHAHAHA!  
  
Master Zora- That laugh is creepy.  
  
Bio Spark- Isn't it?  
  
(He disappears in a puff of smoke, returning to his fics.)  
  
P.S.- Read my fics, ok?  
~Bio Spark  
  
P.S.S.- Don't read his fics.  
~Master Zora  
  
P.S.S.S.- Shut up.  
~Bio Spark  
  
P.S.S.S.S.- How many S's can you put in one of these?  
~Master Zora 


	10. Wrong Way

Link and Navi's Excellent Adventure  
  
Note to Reader: Thank you, Biospark, for that fu... hum... er INTERESTING chapter.   
This chapter probably won't be very good since all of my good jokes I've been thinking  
of apply better to a later chapter. Also, I am trying to make this a Christmas chapter.  
Very difficult indeed. Also, I haven't played in a while, so pieces are from mine and   
Biospark's memory. Don't flame me if anything is completely wrong, just send a polite review  
pointing out my -- or Biospark's (a more likely case if it is wrong)-- mistake. Anywho, I   
don't own anything that anyone else owns. Now, with out further ado...  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Chapter 10:  
  
Wrong Way  
  
Narrator: Luigi has just beat Phantom Ganon for Link and got the Forest Medallion. The   
  
Great Deku Tree killed Navi. Other than that, Biospark did absolutely nothing that   
  
anyone/thing cared about. Now, on to the real deal.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Link: Anything that violent means she's gone for good. Oh well, I'm up for fried fish.  
  
Zora's Domain anyone?  
  
G.D.T.S: The termite's back!  
  
Link: WHAT!?!?  
  
G.D.T.S: AHHHH!  
  
(Link runs, the G.D.T.S tries to run. Unfortunately, the G.D.T.S can't. Instead, he manages  
  
in uprooting himself.)  
  
G.D.T.S: Uh oh! Before you go, I have to say, you aren't really a Kokiri.  
  
Link: I know, I'm Hylian.  
  
G.D.T.S: Where'd you get that idea? You're a fairy!  
  
Link: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!  
  
G.D.T.S: Just kidding, you are Hylian!  
  
(Link runs to Zora's Domain and finds it frozen. Navi, unfortunately, followed him.)  
  
Link: No... Fried... Fish?  
  
Navi: HEY! LOOK! LISTEN!  
  
Link: This better be good.  
  
Navi: The Fat Fish is still alive, if only we could melt that red ice...  
  
Link: Ice is supposed to be blue.  
  
Navi: But it is red ice.  
  
Link: You must be color blind.  
  
Navi: Color blind my foot!  
  
Link: Do you even have feet?  
  
Navi: Uhhhh.... ???  
  
(They stare at each other for several seconds, before going to the Ice Cavern.)  
  
Link: Ooooooh, purty blue fire.  
  
Navi: I bet it melts the red ice.  
  
Link: Even a 3 year old could figure that one out.  
  
Navi: Really?  
  
Link: I'm not quite sure...  
  
Navi: Whatever.  
  
Link: How are we supposed to move the Blue Fire?  
  
Navi: ??? Put it in a bottle?  
  
Link: I only have 1 bottle!! And it has a fairy in it!  
  
Navi: A f...f...fairy?  
  
(Link realizes that he can probably store Navi in the bottle. He scoops up Navi.)  
  
Link: Now, back to the question at hand...  
  
(insert Jeopardy theme.)  
  
Link: I GOT IT! I'll store the Blue Fire with Navi!  
  
(Link scoops up the Blue Fire with Navi in the bottle. He proceeds to the final room to fight  
  
the White Wolfos.)  
  
Link: I got an annoying fairy and I know how to use it! Back off!  
  
(The White Wolfos still proceed. Link opens the bottle.)  
  
Link: You can come out now, Navi.  
  
(Navi is frozen inside the bottle.)  
  
Link: Right when I really need her, too.  
  
(Navi finally breaks through.)  
  
Link: How did you do that?  
  
(Smart Alleck appears.)  
  
Smart Alleck: By generating an excess amount of thermal energy from within one's body,  
the crystalized water molecules will melt in to a liquid state and thus, she was able  
to escape from her frozen prizon.  
  
Link: Errr, okay, in English this time.  
  
Smart Alleck: Uhhh, how would I go about performing such a task?  
  
Link: You're the Smart Alleck, you think of something.  
  
Smart Alleck: Uhhh....  
  
CRACKOW! CRACKOW! CRACKOW!  
  
(Smart Alleck is struck with lightning bolts. He is incinerated.)  
  
Master Zora: Thank you, Biospark.  
  
Biospark: Glad to be of assistance.  
  
Navi: HEY!! LOOK!! LISTEN!!  
  
(The White Wolfos all run away, scared. Link grabs the Iron Boots and leaves before  
Shiek appears.)  
  
(Sheik appears.)  
  
Sheik: Missed him again, too bad.  
  
(Disappears.)  
  
(Link is in Zora's Domain. He unfreezes King Zora and gets the Zora's Tunic. He then  
runs to Lake Hylia, opens the Temple, and goes in.)  
  
Link: Wow, a lot can happen in two lines.  
  
(Meanwhile, in the real world, 1941, Hitler is trying to genocide the Jews. Japan and Italy  
side with him. The Allies destroy the Axis powers in win WWII, complete with Hitler's death.)  
  
Link: Boy am I right.  
  
(Jingle Bells is heard being played by jingling bells. A thud above the Temple. A chimney appears  
and Santa Claus comes down.)  
  
Santa: Everyone, gather around.  
  
(Link, Navi, the audience, Smart Alleck, and Biospark go to Santa. Master Zora stays back, writing every   
thing Santa does...)  
  
Master Zora: BWAHAHAHAHA!  
  
Biospark: Don't steal my trademarked creepy laugh!  
  
MZ: It's not trademarked  
  
Bio: $&@*!  
  
Santa: Now, since I deliver presents every year, I decided that you all will give ME  
presents this year.  
  
(Bio hands over a super-expensive platinum watch with crystal display, his only possession.  
Everyone else gives other, smaller jewelry.)  
  
Santa: Bwa, I mean, Ho ho ho! Thank you all, suckers.  
  
(As Santa leaves, his beard gets pulled off. He is revealed as... da da da da... billybobfred(he said he wanted to be in it)!)  
  
billybobfred: No! I just wanted to be in the fic and now, oh man.  
  
Bio: Hey, you tried to rob us all!  
  
Audience: DUH!  
  
billybobfred: And I would have gotten away with it too if it weren't for those meddling kids.  
  
Audience: Huh?  
  
billybobfred: Sorry, I've always wanted to say that.  
  
Audience: Oh.  
  
(The real Santa comes in.)  
  
Santa: Now, I will give everyone what they deserve.  
  
(Santa puts his hand in his sack.)  
  
Santa: For Link: You've lost your medallions to date, so I'll give you what you really need.  
  
(Santa pulls out the Yellow Pages.)  
  
Santa: Now you can look up all of those pawn shops the Medallions were sold to.  
  
(Santa put his hand in his sack again.)  
  
Santa: For Navi: You are so annoying, you shall be punished for your evil deeds...  
  
(Santa pulls out a small Navi.)  
  
Santa: I shall call her mini-Navi. She shall annoy you every time you annoy anyone.  
  
Navi: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!  
  
Link: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!  
  
Santa: Don't worry, only Navi can hear mini-Navi.  
  
Link: YAY!  
  
Navi: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!  
  
(Santa puts his hand in the sack again.)  
  
Santa: For the audience: The one thing you need most...  
  
(Santa pulls out 4 strings of words.)  
  
Santa: These are the titles of FanFictions to go to: Zelda, Taste the Rainbow; Popstar Wars;  
Win or Die; Cardboard Mario.  
  
(Santa puts his hand in the sack again.)  
  
Santa: For Smart Alleck: The only thing that is good enough for you.  
  
(Smart Alleck beams, then Santa pulls out the Teletubbies.)  
  
Santa: 'Nuff said bout that one.  
  
(He puts his hand in his sack again.)  
  
Santa: For Biospark: Something to increase your intelligence, because you need it...  
  
(Santa pulls out a set of Dr. Seuss books.)  
  
Santa: You really need these.  
  
(Santa reaches in his sack again.)  
  
Santa: For billybobfred: Something extra special for you...  
  
(Santa pulls out handcuffs.)  
  
Santa: Life without parole.  
  
(billybobfred looks sad, for a second.)  
  
Santa: Or you can randomly appear in the fic for no apparent reason.  
  
billybobfred: Okay.  
  
(Santa reaches into his sack for a last time.)  
  
Santa: And for Master Zora, something EXTRA special...  
  
(Santa pulls out a Siberian Tiger, it swings it's paw and knocks Navi dead.)  
  
Santa: Errr, I must be leaving.  
  
(He leaves.)  
  
Link: Oh my god, you killed Navi you %@$&@*#!  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Narrator: Link has barely started the Water Temple, and he is, by the way, out of   
order, but does he care? NOOO? Will he beat the Temple? Will everyone's gifts  
go to good use? Will Biospark become intelligent? Probably not, but no one cares.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Note to Reader: If you want to be in my FanFiction, review my story with an   
answer the following polls, tell me that you want to be in it, and describe your  
character and/or your character's part in the story if you wish.  
  
Note to Reader #2: I'm not positive on the numbers, it is the latest count I could  
come up with, though. I'm trying to work your characters in. I promise that they  
will be in by the beginning of Ganon's Tower. It is official, too, that I will be  
doing a sequel when this is done entitled "Link and Navi's Bogus Journey." Also,  
I would prefer if you give as detailed descriptions of your characters' descriptions  
and/or parts in the story, but it is not required. Thanx.  
  
Poll #1:  
What do you think of my FanFiction?  
  
A) I love it! (5)  
B) I love it! (3)  
C) I love it! (3)  
D) I love it! (3)  
E) I love it! (3)  
F) I love it! (3)  
G) I love it! (3)  
H) I love it! (3)  
I) I love it! (3)  
J) I'm just answering to be in the FanFic (3)  
Note I put the same answer 9 times, because anything less and I'd have to come to  
your house and stab you with a corkscrew. I would also  
*****NOTE*****  
The following sentence pieces have been omitted and will be edited for content  
before I decide it would be suitable for this website.  
  
Poll #2:  
How do you pronounce Deku (my friends and I are of varied opinions)  
A) Dee-koo (4)  
B) Deck-oo (2)  
C) Day-koo (0)  
D) Who cares, you're always understood anyway. (0) 


	11. BioSpark Does it Again

Chapter 11- Bio Spark does it again!  
  
(Master Zora is asleep in bed.)  
  
Master Zora- ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzZZZZZ- AH!  
  
(He wakes up to find Bio Spark standing over his bed.)  
  
Master Zora- WHAT THE @#$% ARE YOU DOING HERE!?!  
  
Bio Spark- I'm hi-jacking another chapter.  
  
Master Zora- NO! I'm not letting that happen again!  
  
Bio Spark- Oh, but you are.  
  
Master Zora- I'm not.  
  
Bio Spark- You are.  
  
Master Zora- I'm not.  
  
Bio Spark- You are.  
  
Master Zora- I'm not, and there's no way you can make me!  
  
(Bio Spark whistles, and several Shy-Guys drag in Pikachu.)  
  
Bio Spark- I'm writting this chapter, or Pikachu is going to be let loose in your house!  
  
Master Zora- NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!  
  
Bio Spark- How'd you do that in only one breath?  
  
Master Zora- *shrugs*  
  
Bio Spark- Well, I have a chapter to write.  
  
Master Zora- What about the rat?  
  
Pikachu- Pika?  
  
Bio Spark- It stays, just in case...  
  
Master Zora- *gulp*  
  
Bio Spark- Now, I own nothing copywritten, trademarked, or otherwise owned by anyone else. Thank you. We last left everyone at the enterance to the Water Temple.  
  
Santa- Ummm... happy holidays!  
  
(He vanishes for no apparent reason.)  
  
Billybob Fred- That's easy!  
  
(He vanishes for no apparent reason.)  
  
Link- How'd they do that?  
  
Smart Allek- Well, the vanished through a process by which they induce intense pressure and heating upon themselves, caused a chemical reaction to occur, thus reforming their molecular structure into a gaseous state.  
  
(Navi pops out of no where.)  
  
Navi- How do you keep comming back to life!?!  
  
Smart Allek- How do YOU keep comming back to life?  
  
Navi- *blinks*  
  
Smart Allek- Ah, well-  
  
(He melts into a pile of goo.)  
  
Link- Well, let's go.  
  
(They work their way through the Water Temple, until they come across a switch.)  
  
Link- HAH! A mere switch cannot stop Link the Mighty!!!  
  
Navi- Link the Mighty?  
  
Link- That's what I'll call myself from now on.  
  
(Link steps on the switch, but nothing happens.)  
  
Link- Huh?  
  
(He jumps up and down on the switch.)  
  
Navi- A little stuck, 'Link the Mighty'?  
  
Link- Shut up.  
  
(He steps back and looks at the switch.)  
  
Link- Thing's rusted. I need to find something heavy...  
  
(His glance falls upon a small steel ball.)  
  
Link- That'll do it!  
  
Navi- I wouldn't touch it if I were you...  
  
Link- HA! Link the Mighty knows no fear!  
  
Navi- Or intelligence.  
  
(Link ignores her and picks up the ball.)  
  
Link- Nothing bad, you see?  
  
(Spikes pop out of the ball, and it starts shaking.)  
  
Link- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!  
  
(He drops the ball and runs like heck out of the temple.)  
  
Navi- Perhaps we need some special item...  
  
Link- Well, duh!  
  
(They go to Goron Village, to find it empty.)  
  
Link- Where is everybody?  
  
Navi- I don't know.  
  
(They're plowed over by a rolling Goron.)  
  
Link- Why the little-  
  
(The Goron stops rolling and walks over to them.)  
  
Goron- Hi, I'm Link!  
  
Link- No, I'm Link!  
  
Link- I am!  
  
Link- I am!  
  
Navi- I'm confused.  
  
Both Links- YAY!  
  
Link- Where is everyone?  
  
Link- Well, Volvagia came, took them all to the Fire Temple, and is most likely going to eat them all.  
  
Link- Ah, I see.  
  
Link- If you're going to save them, you'll need this.  
  
(Link hands Link the Goron Tunic.)  
  
Link- What if I'm not saving them?  
  
Link- *shrugs*  
  
Navi- Let's go save them anyway. We have nothing better to do.  
  
(They run to the Fire Temple. Just before they go in, their stopped by Shiek.)  
  
Link- YOU!  
  
Shiek- I've been waiting here for AGES! Where the heck were you!?!  
  
Navi- Link the Mighty was-  
  
(Link shoves Navi into his hat.)  
  
Link- Oh, just taking our time.  
  
Shiek- ...whatever. I will now teach you the next phone number for your telephone...  
  
(Link's vision fades, and he sees a stuffed ardvark standing next to a pay phone.)  
  
Stuffed Ardvark Person- Dial 1-800-COLLECT! Save a buck or two!  
  
(Link's vision clears. He holds the Telephone Booth of Time in his hands.)  
  
Shiek- Until we meet again, brave adventurer.  
  
Link- Wait!  
  
(Shiek checks her pouch, then curses.)  
  
Shiek- (muttering) out of @#$&^%@ deku nuts.  
  
Link- STOP!  
  
Shiek- LOOK, ELVIS!  
  
Link- Where!?!  
  
(He turns around, then looks back. Shiek's gone.)  
  
Navi- Lemme out of the hat!  
  
Link- I think not.  
  
(Navi grabs Link's hair and begins pulling.)  
  
Link- FINE!  
  
(Navi flies out, and they proceed through the Fire Temple as planned.)  
  
Navi- A big chest!  
  
Link- Thank you. I've been doing bench presses-  
  
Navi- No, idiot. Over there!  
  
(Link runs over to the treasure chest and opens it. He bends over to lift the hammer, but it's to heavy.)  
  
Link- Well, this sucks.  
  
(Navi flies in, and pulls the hammer out with ease.)  
  
Link- Funny. Very funny.  
  
(They keep going, until they find themselves in Volvagia's lair.)  
  
Volvagia- RRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRR!  
  
Navi- RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!  
  
(Link takes a step away from Navi.)  
  
Volvagia- Impressive, little one.  
  
Navi- Thank you. I've been practicing.  
  
(The lights dim.)  
  
Link- What the-  
  
???- It's time for...  
  
Audience- WHEEL! OF! TORTURE!  
  
(A spotlight falls on a lone Shy-Guy wearing a large purple bow tie.)  
  
Game-Guy- Welcome to Wheel of Torture, the fun game show where I torture a random character. This episode is brought to you by Bio Spark's fic, "Win, or Die!" Anyway, our first contestant is Volvagia.  
  
Volvagia- Really?  
  
Game-Guy- Yep. Step right over to the wheel.  
  
(Volvagia goes to the wheel and spins it. It lands on a picture of a cloud.)  
  
Volvagia- What's that mean?  
  
Game-Guy- It means that...  
  
(A small storm cloud apears directly over Volvagia's head.)  
  
Volvagia- COOL!  
  
(A bolt of lightning from the cloud incinerates Volvagia.)  
  
Audience- Yay.  
  
(Game-Guy is teleported to the Chamber of Sages.)  
  
Link- (Starts whistling Jeopardy theme.)  
  
(Link is teleported to the Chamber of Sages.)  
  
Darunia- Thanks, buddy!  
  
Link- I get a medallion, right?  
  
Darunia- I gave it to the short guy in the skirt.  
  
Navi- Ah, well.  
  
Darunia- THE ANNOYING ONE!!!  
  
(He pulls out a bazooka and blows Navi up.)  
  
Link- How'd you get one of those?  
  
Darunia- It's one of the perks for being a sage. Anyway, that wasn't your line.  
  
Link- Oh, right. Ahem. YOU KILLED NAVI, YOU #@$%&*^!  
  
(Bio Spark leans back, and smiles at his work.)  
  
Bio Spark- Perfect. Simply perfect.  
  
(Master Zora walks up behind him, with electrical burns all over his body.)  
  
Master Zora- ...Never...do...that...AGAIN!!!  
  
Bio Spark- My bad?  
  
Master Zora- Get out of my house, or I call the cops.  
  
Bio Spark- Fine, fine, I was just leaving anyway.  
  
(He gets up and turns around, to be confronted by Pikachu.)  
  
Pikachu- Pikapika!  
  
Bio Spark- Crap.  
  
(He dashes from the house, being chassed by Pikachu. Master Zora simply smiles, turns off the light, and ends the chapter.)  
  
End Chapter 11 


	12. Water Temple: Take Two

Link and Navi's Excellent Adventure  
  
Note to Reader: I know, I haven't been updating lately, but to quote a least favorite teacher of a favorite teacher of mine,   
"There are cosmic rays in the sky that come down upon your pencil [or keyboard in this case, but that is irrelevant] and give you  
inspiration." Well, I haven't seen cosmic rays in a coon's age. On the bright side, I am planning on writing an original fic and  
will post it when I have started the first three chapters. This could be awhile, since I don't have anything to go on like I do  
with Zelda. I won't say anything now, but I will state details at later times. By the way, even though this has nothing to do  
with anything I previously said, I don't own anything at all. Anything one might think that I do own was bought for me by my parents,  
grandparents, friends, relatives, Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and/or the Tooth Fairy. Now, without further ado, Chapter 12 (are we really  
up to 12 now?) of Link and Navi's Excellent Adventure  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Chapter 12  
  
Water Temple: Take Two  
  
Narrator: Last time, we left Link errrr.... Where did we leave him anyway?   
  
(BioSpark comes up and whispers in Narrator's ear)  
  
Narrator: Ah, yes. We left Link in the Chamber of Sages, and Navi has been blown up with a bazooka! Finally. There is no possible  
way Navi could live through that -- but of course she will. She's like Kenny. She gets killed every episode and comes back mysteriously  
for the next one. Oh well, life sucks. Get over it. Anyway, Link's in the Chamber of Sages and Navi's dead. (pause) Wait a second,  
Bio, weren't you last being chased by the electric rat?  
  
(P-p-p. I can't say it. The yellow electric rat comes up behind BioSpark)  
  
Electric Rat (unfortunately, you know the real name, so I don't have to state it (fortunately for me): *CENSORED* (Sorry, I can't even  
let myself to even allow the rat to say its name over and over.)  
  
(BioSpark runs away yelling)  
  
Narrator: Now, onto our feature presentation.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Link: Yay! Gone for good!  
  
Navi: Do you really think a bazooka could kill an all-powerful fairy?  
  
Darunia: You're all-powerful?  
  
Navi: I never said that. I just asked if you thought a bazooka could kill one.  
  
Link: Then how did you survive?  
  
Navi: Technicality. I have an 8 year contract with Nintendo and the author of this fic that requires me to be in every chapter.  
  
Link: $&@&#!  
  
Darunia: Well said, Brother.  
  
Link: Well, I've always wanted to be an English teacher. Now, we must be going.  
  
(Link and Navi are instantly and mysteriously transported to the inside of the Water Temple.)  
  
Link: Why can't airline travel be this fast?  
  
Navi: Government. It's always the government.  
  
Link: Whatever.  
  
(Link makes it to Princess Ruto.)  
  
Link: Haven't we already done this?  
  
Ruto: Errr, no! You're not supposed to know that!  
  
Navi: It's a conspiracy! I told you: It's always the government.  
  
(Ruto swims off.)  
  
Ruto: (mutter) Stupid fairy.  
  
Link: That was odd.  
  
Navi: How many times do I have to say. It was the --  
  
Link: If you say it was the government one more time, I will kill you myself.  
  
Navi: It was the -- Green OVular Enron-associated Really Nerve-racking Money-Eating No-good Things (GOVERNMENT).  
  
Link: Whatever.  
  
(Link goes to the rusty switch once more.)  
  
Link: Now, with my strong Megaton Hammer, Link the Mighty shall conquer this blasted switch!  
  
Navi: I'm going to love to see this.  
  
(Link lifts-- er, tries to lift the Megaton Hammer up, but fails miserably.)  
  
Link: Fine. Either push this switch, or errr... Or I'll kill Navi!!!!!  
  
Audience: BOOOO! WHAT KIND OF THREAT IS THAT?!? BOOOO! (etc.)  
  
Link: Er, even better! Push this switch, or I won't kill Navi!!!  
  
(The roof caves in, pushing down the switch. A section falls on Navi.)  
  
Link: Finally!  
  
(Audience cheers.)  
  
Link: Oh, yea! Oh my god, you killed Navi, you #@$&@%*$!!!!!!!!!!  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Narrator: Link has finally gained access to Morpha, however, Navi is killed so we must end the chapter. For the record, this chapter  
was originally going to be a New Year's Chapter, very, very humorous, but the Almighty Author's hard drive got deleted. Oops. Anyway,  
in Chapter 13, we get to see the exciting conclusion of the Water Temple as Link moves on to bigger and better temples.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Polls:  
  
A/N: Well, since my hard drive got deleted, the polls and all knowledge of them whatsoever is gone. Since there is no way to  
see who won (well technically, I could get off his butt and recount, but he doesn't wanna be like Al Gore), we consulted  
the resident psychic. May we now present our psychic:  
  
(Music plays and nothing else of importance happens.)  
  
A/N: Well, what can we say. The only psychic in a 50 mile radius is a Magic 8 Ball, so we had to improvise. Here's what the   
Magic 8 Ball had to say:  
  
Poll 1:  
What do you think of this fic?  
Answer: It is unclear at this time.  
  
Poll 2:  
How do you pronounce Deku?  
Answer: Try again later.  
  
A/N: Well, our Magic 8 Ball did us no good, so I'll just make up answers to make me look good.  
  
Poll 1:  
What do you think of this fic?  
Answer: I LOVE IT!!!!!  
  
Poll 2:  
How do you pronounce Deku?  
Answer: Dee-koo.  
  
A/N: Thank you for participating. I'll try and get around to putting you all in my fic. It is a long process, don't you know.  
billybobfred got lucky. He was also quite persistant, so he got his way in. Well, until next time: adios! au revoir! chao! 


	13. Water Temple: Take Three

Link and Navi's Excellent Adventure  
  
Note to Reader: I don't own anything. Story time.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Chapter 12 1/2  
  
Water Temple: Take Three  
  
Narrator: Since the last chapter was so short, and because it ended in a terrible spot, I have decided to write chapter   
12 1/2. I am therefore going to skip Chapter 13. Now, we last left Link right after the rusty switch that had first   
foiled his plans. Now, he has accomplished two things: He pressed it and got Navi killed at the same time. It's   
like a two-for-one at the Sizzler's.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Link: I just pressed it and got Navi killed at the same time! It's like a two-for-one at the Sizzler's.  
  
Navi: Since when did the Sizzler's have a two-for-one?  
  
Link: Apparently, never.  
  
Navi: Does Hyrule even have a Sizzler?  
  
(Heart-Flower appears.)  
  
Heart-Flower: Don't question things you can't explain.  
  
(All characters look up reverently.)  
  
Navi: Why do we always look up reverently when you appear and say that?  
  
Heart-Flower: Don't question things you can't explain.  
  
(All characters look up reverently.)  
  
Navi: I get the point.  
  
(Heart-Flower leaves.)  
  
Link: That was odd.  
  
Navi: I know. That Heart-Flower character is strange.  
  
Link: No, I mean the Herbal Essence guys didn't drag her out.  
  
Navi: No wonder she left so quickly.  
  
Link: No matter. You know what I just thought of?  
  
Navi: Knowing you, either nothing or something I don't even want to know about.  
  
Link: We haven't had a commercial for many-a chapter.  
  
Navi: Just what I said.  
  
Link: Well, maybe we should interrupt for a commercial break!  
  
Navi: Or maybe we sho--  
************************************************************************************************************************************  
TIME FOR A COMMERCIAL BREAK!  
  
Brought to you by the joy of Pepsi.  
  
Shameless Advertiser: Forget Pepsi! I have decided to stop the Pepsi commercial and put in a shameless advertisement for BioSpark!  
Aren't we lucky?  
  
Audience: NOOO!  
  
Shameless Advertiser: It doesn't matter! I get payed whether you want it or not! Anyway, Read & Review BioSpark's fics, which include  
Win Or Die and Quest for Kirby.  
  
Master Zora: BioSpark, come from your disguise and leave my realm!  
  
Shameless Advertiser/BioSpark: You caught me, but I still got my message across! You can't undo it now!!!!!  
  
Master Zora: That's why they invented Backspace!!!!  
  
BioSpark: You wouldn't!  
  
Master Zora: I would!  
  
BioSpark: You wouldn't!  
  
Master Zora: Why not?  
  
BioSpark: I have stolen your Backspace key! (Insert not-so-evil evil laugh.)  
  
Master Zora: #%#%@!  
  
Back to our feature presentation.  
*****************************************************************************************************************************************  
Navi: Was that really worth it?  
  
Link: ...  
  
Navi: ??  
  
Link: ...  
  
Navi: Well, let's get to the weird eyeball-looking nucleus in a water tentacle.  
  
Link: Okay! No weird eyeball-looking nucleus in a water tentacle can defeat Link the Mighty!  
  
(Link walks into Morpha's boss room. She grabs him with her tentacle and throws him across the room.)  
  
Link: I-I'm alright! Really... MEDIC!  
  
(Mario walks in with FLUDD.)  
  
Mario: I-a need some-a water for this-a here machine. WOOHOO!  
  
(Mario sees the pool full of water.)  
  
Mario: WOOHOO! It's-a pool of water! WOOHOO!  
  
(Mario hops in the pool and fills up FLUDD, while draining the pool. He drains the pool until it's empty.)  
  
Mario: This-a machine needs-a more water then it-a seems. WOOHOO!  
  
(Mario disappears. Link gets surrounded by blue light and is transported to the Chamber of Sages.)  
  
Link: Ruto? But I thought--oh boy! JUST HAND OVER THE MEDALLION!  
  
Ruto: What's the magic word?  
  
Link: Abracadabra? Alakazam? Presto chango?  
  
Ruto: Nope.  
  
Link: Please?  
  
Ruto: I already gave the medallion to the Italian plumber from Brooklyn and his yellow water pump that loves to state the obvious. I mean,  
when they got here, the machine said, 'You appear to be like a fish.'  
  
Link: D-uuuhhhh.  
  
Ruto: Well, since you can't have the Medallion, I'll give you this advice. Fire into the sun and fire will come back.  
  
Link: Okay, whatever.  
  
(Link and Navi are transported out of the Chamber.)  
  
Link: What do you suppose she meant by "fire into the sun and fire will come back?"  
  
Navi: Well, there's the sun and you have a bow and arrows, try it.  
  
Link: Errrr, I wasted all my arrows trying to shoot you while you were asleep.  
  
Navi: And you MISSED?  
  
Link: Er, you can fly fast while asleep?  
  
Navi: Nice try.  
  
Link: Here's an arrow!  
  
(Link fires it into the sun and the fire arrows fall.)  
  
Link: Yay! (Looks at Navi.) Hmmm, to deal with you.  
  
(Navi spontaneously combusts.)  
  
Link: That was easier than I thought.  
  
Author: That's not your line.  
  
Link: But, to whom would I be addressing? She spontaneously combusted.  
  
Author: Well, you always have to blame it on somebody.  
  
Link: How about you?  
  
Author: It can't be the Almighty Author's fault. How dare you!  
  
Link: How about telemarketers?  
  
Author: OK, blame it on the telemarketers. I hate them. They always call at inconvenient times.  
  
Link: Didn't they have a Dilbert comic about that?  
  
Author: Errr, yea.   
  
Link: Good. Now: Oh my god, those telemarketers killed Navi, those &@$%@#*$!  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Narrator: Well, Link has got through the Water Temple, and has the Fire Arrows. Good for him. Now about me...  
NOTE: This part has been cut out due to the sheer boredom it causes. Maybe, if at a later time the Almighty Author goes  
even more insane, it will be made into a short book, complete with a short section about Canada to make it sound complete,   
sold to extremely bored people, and made into a major motion picture. Or maybe not. We'll see.  
Narrator:Errr, oh yea! Since Chapter 13 is going to be cut, Chapter 14 is going to be next. Don't ask about that. Thirteen  
is just plain unlucky. Now, about me again....... 


	14. Untitled

Link and Navi's Excellent Adventure  
  
Note to Reader: After a decision from the author, this part is going to be cut short from here on out. So, two things, one, I  
am officially on Chapter 14, and I own nothing. Story time.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Chapter 14  
  
Untitled  
  
Narrator: Last chapter, Morpha died and Link got Fire Arrows. Yay! Also, I became known as somewhat of a narcissist. For anyone  
who has no clue what it means, I must tell you this: dictionaries are your friends! Anyhoo, Chapter 14.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Link: Telemarketers have become my friends now! They made Navi spontaneously combust.  
  
(Link looks suspiciously at Navi's ashes to make sure she doesn't come back from the dead. After a brief moment, the ashes are  
scattered across Lake Hylia.)  
  
Link: Yay! Navi is finally dead!  
  
(Link looks once more suspiciously at the ashes. He remembers they are spread across Lake Hylia.)  
  
Link: Oh well, time to go somewhere.  
  
(Link pulls out a big map that no one can explain how he got, but he's had since the beginning of the game... er fic!)  
  
Link: I guess I should go back to the graveyard. Maybe, I can build a grave for Navi where and have it destroyed with lightning.  
How did that sound go again?  
  
CRACKOW CRACKOW CRACKOW  
  
Link: (swaggering and charred) Oh, yea! (He falls over.)  
  
Navi: Hello Link!  
  
Link: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!  
  
(Link runs all the way to Kakariko village where he sees Shiek near the well.)  
  
Shiek: Link, watch out!  
  
(A shadow-like shape emerges from the well and knocks Link down.)  
  
Smart Alleck: How can you have a shadow-like shape?  
  
Link: You're the one with all the answers!  
  
Smart Alleck: Still, how can you have a shadow-like shape?  
  
Heart-Flower: Don't question things you can't explain.  
  
(All characters look up reverently.)  
  
Smart Alleck: How do you keep popping up like that?  
  
Heart-Flower: Why aren't you a pile of goo yet?  
  
Smart Alleck: ##*$*%!  
  
(Smart Alleck turns into a pile of goo. Heart-Flower also disappears.)  
  
Link: Hmmm, odd.  
  
(Link bends over and tastes the goo.)  
  
Link: Mmmmmm, lime!  
  
Shiek: (To his/her/itself) Remember, next time to seal the well with superglue, not Elmer's school glue. Stupid, stupid.  
  
(Link suddenly, Link regains consciousness.)  
  
Link: Well, that sucked.  
  
Shiek: How can you have said all of that stuff without being conscious?  
  
Heart-Flower: Don't question things you can't explain.  
  
(All characters look up reverently. Heart-Flower suddenly leaves for no apparent reason.)  
  
(Townspeople flood the village and spots Shiek.)  
  
Man #1: There's the witch! He/she/it/whatever it is released the shadow from the well! And he/she/it turned me into a note!  
  
Man #2: Enough with the Monty Python crap! You can't even say it right!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Man #1: What do you care?  
  
Man #2: Burn him/her/it anyway!  
  
(Townspeople run after Shiek.)  
  
Shiek: #$#%!  
  
(Shiek throws a Deku Nut and disappears.)  
  
Link: I guess I have to go into the Shadow Temple to defeat whatever came out of the well. Where might I find a thing like that?  
  
(Cue Jeopardy music.)  
  
Link: (A lightbulb appears above Links head. Of course, it is about 5 watts.) I know! I can find it in the...  
  
(Close up on Link.)  
  
Link: TWILIGHT ZONE!  
  
(Cue Twilight Zone music.)  
  
(Acid rain falls from the sky directly on Link.)  
  
Link: I guess not. Oooo, I like that nice, warm feel.  
  
Author: Link, you are an idiot!!!! I don't know how I could let myself write a contract that makes you the star of my fic! The  
Shadow Temple is in the cemetary!!!  
  
Link: It wasn't last time.  
  
Author: You have to use the Telephone Number of Shadow!  
  
Link: And what may that be?  
  
Author: Shiek was supposed to tell you.  
  
Link: But he/she/it didn't!  
  
Author: I got three words: Sucks to be you!  
  
Link: That's four words!  
  
Author: Don't argue with the Almighty Author!  
  
(Acid rain falls directly on Link.)  
  
Link: Ooo, that nice warm feeling again!  
  
(Link hops into the Telephone Booth of Time and starts dialing random numbers.)  
  
(Beep beep beep, beep beep beep beep.)  
  
Thing on other end of the line: Hello?  
  
Link: Is this the Telephone Number of Shadow?  
  
Thing on other end of the line: No, this is planet Zocor.  
  
Link: Isn't that a prescription medicine?  
  
Thing on other end of the line: Gotta go!  
  
(It hangs up quickly.)  
  
(Beep beep beep, beep beep beep beep.)  
  
Person on other end: Hello?  
  
Link: Is this the Telephone Number of Shadow?  
  
Person on other end: No. Zees ees Hitler. Zat's right, I'm still very much alive. Vat do you need?  
  
Link: Goodbye, Mr. Hitler sir. Don't kill me.  
  
(He hangs up.)  
  
(Beep beep beep, beep beep beep beep.)  
  
Person on other end: This is the Russians. We have pinpointed your location and sent out a nuclear missile that will hit in  
5...  
  
Audience: 4...  
3...  
2...  
  
Link: 1...  
  
Person on other end: Goodbye, mon ami.  
  
Link: But that's French, not Russian!  
  
Person on other end: Life sucks, get over it.  
  
(Nuclear missile hits, 3 feet from Link. Somehow, he manages to live.)  
  
(Beep beep beep, beep beep beep beep.)  
  
Person on other end: Psychic Pals Network speaking, what can we tell you today?  
  
Link: Will I ever get the right Telephone Number?  
  
Person on other end: Excuse me while I consult my Magic 8-Ball.  
  
(Elevator music starts to play.)  
  
Another person on other end: Do not hang up as this will further delay your call.  
  
(Link waits for approximately 2 hours, 48 minutes, 38 seconds, 27 milliseconds, and 2 nanoseconds.)  
  
Person on other end: Try again later. Hey, that's the third time today the Magic 8-Ball said that! I mean, that will   
$999,999,999,999,999,999.99 1/2. This will be charged to your credit card. What is your credit card number?  
  
(Link hangs up.)  
  
Person on other end: Cheap &@$%@#*!  
  
(Link dials another number.)  
  
(Beep beep beep, beep beep beep beep.)  
  
Person on other end: Hello! Is that you, Ness?  
  
Link: Uhhh...  
  
Person on other end: Why are you disguising your voice like that?  
  
Link: Uhhhhh...  
  
Person on other end: I have deposited $6,271 into your bank account. Taking away what you'vespent, you should now have   
negative $500,000 in the bank. Well, exp to get to get to the next level, Ness...96108 Paula...99999 Jeff...1. Anyway, what  
do you need from me?  
  
Link: Uhh, Telephone Number of Shadow.  
  
Person on other end of phone: All done. Your dear old dad was also thinking about hitting the hay for the night. I have  
created a record of your adventure to this point. Good night, sleep tight.  
  
Link: Uhhh, good night?  
  
Person on other end of phone: We're a great team, aren't we? Well, you should turn the power OFF instead of just pressing  
RESET. All right?  
  
(Link hangs up.)  
  
(Link realizes he cannot move and must hit the RESET button.)  
  
Link: Well this is unfortunate. At least I saved my game.  
  
(Link hits the RESET button and somehow reappears in the position he was in just before.)  
  
Link: Yay! I can move. Hmmm, I need some pizza.  
  
(Link dials 1-800-DOMINOS.)  
  
Link: Come on, come on, pick up.  
  
(Link is transported to the Shadow Temple warp pad thing.)  
  
Link: What ever happened to Bad Andy, Good Pizza? Those were the good commercials.  
  
(Navi comes flying up.)  
  
Navi: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Another poorly written commercial is coming!  
*****************************************************************************************************************************  
TIME FOR A COMMERCIAL BREAK!  
  
(Link, Navi, Zelda, and Ganondorf are sitting around outside drinking Pepsi's.  
  
Link: These are great Pepsi's, aren't they?  
  
Navi: Yes, but they aren't Pepsi's.  
  
(Ziiiiip.)  
  
Zelda: They're Pepsi Twists.  
  
Ganondorf: And we're not the people from Zelda...  
  
(Ziiiiip.)  
  
All Four: We're the Teletubbies! La la la.  
  
Everyone on Earth: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!  
  
All Four: La la la la. (These aren't Pepsi's.)  
  
(Ziiiip.)  
  
All Four: La la la la. (They're Orange sodas, good for all occasions.) La la la la la. (And we're not the Teletubbies.)  
  
Everyone on Earth: YAY!  
  
(Ziiiip.)  
  
All Four: We're N*SYNC!!!!!  
  
Everyone: NOOOOOOOOOO! AND THEY HAVE 5 PEOPLE!  
  
All Four: TOO BAD!!  
  
(Everyone runs away screaming anyway.)  
  
Everyone: COMMERCIALS ARE SUPPOSED TO MAKE YOU WANT TO BUY A PRODUCT!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
(All hell breaks loose, etc. etc.)  
  
Back to our feature presentation.  
***********************************************************************************************************************************  
Navi: Link, you have to stop that!!!!!!!!!  
  
Link: I thought it was funny.  
  
Navi: You also have a nighty-lighty and a security blanket.  
  
Link: I like to be comfortable, with the right amount of light. Speaking of which, it is extremely dark with numerous torches and  
I don't have Din's Fire to light them all with. Bit of a sticky wicket, eh ol' boy?  
  
Navi: What???  
  
Link: I don't know. I got an idea! Navi, explode into a giant blazing inferno! I'll wait by the door.  
  
(Navi explodes and turns into a giant blazing inferno. All torches get lit and Link walks inside.)  
  
Link: Oh my god, Navi killed Navi, that &@$%@#*!  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Narrator: Not the best chapter, but the Author is distracted with procrastinating the original fantasy fic he will be writing and posting.  
Between procrastinating that, procrastinating this fic, and school, there just isn't any time! Oh yea, Canada has trees. I just said that  
to make it sound complete. I'll probably have to shorten that, too. I realize that joke was used last chapter, too, but I don't care  
because most of you never would have known that. Err, Sayanara (however you spell it.)  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Note to Reader: With the polls being complete, not quite tallied, but decided on by a Magic 8-Ball, there isn't anything to put here,  
so there is going to be random stuff about the author. The author has his own E-mail now, so check my, err, his profile and e-mail him  
with any comments you wish to add for any reason whatsoever. Also, he knows something you guys don't and he will reveal it after the  
fic is finished! I laugh in your general directions, I'm too lazy to actually laugh at you. 


	15. Game and Watch Forever!

Chapter 15- GAME AND WATCH FOREVER!  
  
NOTICE: Due to circumstances beyond our control, our regularly scheduled author, Master Zora, cannot write this chapter.  
  
(Cut to see Master Zora in a strait jacket hanging from the edge of the Grand Canyon.)  
  
NOTICE: Also note that the regularly scheduled hijacker, Bio Spark, has changed his name to Apple Kid for no apparent reason. Lastly, please feel free to read "Win or Die: Round 2", now available on fanfiction.net.  
  
Link- Sure is dark in here...  
  
Navi- I'll light the way!  
  
Link- Couldn't you just stay dead, and let me grope in the dark?  
  
Navi- Where's the fun in that?  
  
Link- *sigh* fine.  
  
(He takes one step and falls down a hole.)  
  
Link- Wow. I sure didn't see that comming.  
  
(He climbs out and looks at the hole he fell down.)  
  
Link- It's so life-like.  
  
Navi- Yeah, it's so... life-like.  
  
(Link glances at Navi, then walks around the hole.)  
  
Link- So what? They had one good trap, and that a-  
  
(Another hole.)  
  
Navi- Wow. A hole in one.  
  
*bum bum ching!*  
  
Link- That makes no sense!  
  
Navi- Whatever.  
  
Link- So, what am I supposed to do, anyway?  
  
Smart Allek- You are to return to the Temple of Time, go back to your childhood, enter the well, and find the Lens of Truth. That device will enable you to view any falsehoods that this temple hides.  
  
Navi- Wow. Big words.  
  
Link- *blink* In english?  
  
Smart Allek- That was english. Geez, you're dense!  
  
Link- Don't make me slice you into little pieces with my great big sword!!!  
  
Smart Allek- HA! I'm a disembodied voice! You can't touch me! As a matter of fact, I think I'll hurt YOU!  
  
Navi- How can you do that? You're a disembodied voice!  
  
Smart Allek- Crap. You figured me out.  
  
Audience Member Whom We Shall Call Philip- GAME AND WATCH FOREVER!!!  
  
Smart Allek- Okay, this fic just gets weirder and weirder. I'm out of here!  
  
(Link goes to the Temple of Time, turns into a kid, then enters the well.)  
  
Link- Hmmmm...  
  
Navi- Hmmmm...  
  
Link- QUIT COPYING ME!  
  
Navi- QUIT COPYING ME!  
  
Link- I'M AN IDIOT!  
  
Navi- YOU'RE AN IDIOT!  
  
Link- RI- wait...  
  
(Link wanders into a room. There are dozens of hands popping out of the ground.)  
  
Link- i see dead people.  
  
Navi- Don't we all.  
  
(The creature pops out of the ground and advances toward Link.)  
  
Link- HI! I'M LINK!  
  
(He shakes the creatures hand. The hand falls off.)  
  
Link- ...oops?  
  
(The creature throws Link across the room.)  
  
Philip- GAME AND WATCH FOREVER!!!  
  
Navi- That's... nice?  
  
Link- SHUT UP AND HELP ME!  
  
Navi- I've got it! NI!  
  
(The creature keels over and dies.)  
  
Link- Cool.  
  
Navi- *shrug*  
  
Link- But you're a ball of light. How the heck can you shrug?  
  
Navi- *shrug*  
  
(Link wanders around at random until he finds the Lens of Truth.)  
  
Link- YES! I'VE GOT THIS THING! NO MORE FALLING DOWN HOLES FOR ME!  
  
(He tosses it into the air and, just before he catches it-  
  
Philip- GAME AND WATCH FOREVER!!!  
  
Link- ACK!  
  
(He misses the catch and the lens breaks.)  
  
Link- YOU FILTHY SON OF A $*#&@! I'LL KILL YOU!  
  
Navi- You realize it's bad manners to kill random audience members.  
  
Link- Fine.  
  
(He picks up the broken pieces and sits on the floor.)  
  
Link- Hmmmm...  
  
(He arranges the pieces into a square.)  
  
Navi- That wasn't it.  
  
(An oval.)  
  
Navi- Closer...  
  
(A isososided hexahedron.)  
  
Navi- O.O;;;  
  
(A circle.)  
  
Navi- YOU DID IT!  
  
Link- And mommy said I wasn't good a puzzles.  
  
Philip- GAME AND WATCH FOREVER!!!  
  
Navi- Just ignore him.  
  
Link- Ho-hum.  
  
(They go back to the Temple of Time, get big, and return to the Shadow Temple. They progress through it until they find a large boat.)  
  
Link- BOAT RIDES!  
  
Navi- Um... Link?  
  
Link- What?  
  
Navi- There are various enemies stuck to the roof above the ship, waiting for you to get on.  
  
Link- Oh, yeah, right.  
  
(He gets on and various enemies fall on him.)  
  
Link- YOU HAVE ANGERED LINK THE MIGHTY!  
  
(He slays them all.)  
  
Link- NOBODY ANGERS LINK THE MIGHTY!  
  
Navi- Um... Link the Mighty?  
  
Link- What?  
  
Navi- The boat is... um...  
  
Link- The boat is what?  
  
(He looks down and sees he is waist deep in water.)  
  
Link- Crap.  
  
(He climbs onto the boat and gets off at the right moment this time.)  
  
Navi- Hmmm... mysterious pillars.  
  
Link- *thinking* It's busy studying the pillars. Now's my chance to kill it!*/thinking*  
  
(He pulls out a bomb and slowly advances toward Navi.)  
  
Philip- GAME AND WATCH FOREVER!!!  
  
Link- ACK!  
  
(He drops the bomb, blowing the pillar up, creating a bridge.)  
  
Navi- GOOD JOB, LINK!  
  
Link- I meant to do that.  
  
(They proceed to the boss room, which is unusual, seeing as they don't have the boss key.)  
  
Bongo-Bongo- BONGO!  
  
Link- DRUM!  
  
Bongo-Bongo- BONGO!  
  
Link- DRUM!  
  
Bongo-Bongo- BONGO!  
  
Link- DRUMDRUMDRUM!!!  
  
(Bongo-Bongo plays his bongo on Link.)  
  
Navi- Unfortunate, really.  
  
Philip- GAME AND WATCH FOREVER!!!  
  
Navi- Look, buddy, that's getting really annoying-  
  
Mr. Game and Watch- *blip*  
  
Navi- ...I didn't see this comming.  
  
Bongo-Bongo- Bongo?  
  
Mr. Game and Watch- *blip blip blip*  
  
(He jumps at Bongo-Bongo and pulls out a giant pitchfork.)  
  
Bongo-Bongo- HOLY #*$&!  
  
(He recieves a glare from the author.)  
  
Bongo-Bongo- OOPS! Sorry. BONGO!  
  
(Mr. Game and Watch proceeds to savagely stab Bongo-Bongo while emitting blips of joy.)  
  
Mr. Game and Watch- *blip*  
  
Link- GAME AND WATCH FOREVER!!!  
  
Navi- Not you, too.  
  
Link- What?  
  
(Bongo-Bongo is reduced to a pile of bloody gore laying on the bongo.)  
  
Mr. Game and Watch- *blip*  
  
(He goes to the Chamber of Sages. Link follows suit.)  
  
Impa- I'm sorry, buddy. I would have given you the medalion, but Rauru stole it. I'll go get him.  
  
(Elevator music begins to play.)  
  
Rauru- I'm sorry, I gave it to that little 2D guy.  
  
Link- WHAT!?! WHY!?!  
  
Rauru- He gave me sausage!  
  
(Link sighs and leaves the Shadow Temple.)  
  
Link- Only one more temple, and I havn't gotten a SINGLE MEDALLION!!!  
  
Navi- It could be worse.  
  
Link- How?  
  
Navi- You're stuck with me FOREVER!  
  
Link- Why God, why have you forsaken me?  
  
(God smites Navi with a pillar of flame.)  
  
Link- Cool. Uh, God, is it blasphemy if I say the line I should say right now?  
  
God- Yes.  
  
Link- Then who should I blame?  
  
God- People who shop at K-Mart. They're heathens.  
  
Link- Oh, okay. THE K-MART SHOPPERS KILLED NAVI, THOSE #*@&#@$!  
  
(Apple Kid sat back in his chair and looked at the screen.)  
  
Apple Kid- Yes, another brilliant hijacking, successful.  
  
(A cop taps Apple Kid on the shoulder.)  
  
Cop- You're under arrest for endangering the life of the most brilliant people on the planet.  
  
Apple Kid- I didn't threaten to kill myself!  
  
Cop- You tried to kill the actual author.  
  
Apple Kid- But you said brilliant, which implies intelligence.  
  
Cop- So?  
  
Apple Kid- He's a moron!  
  
Cop- He pays me. Let's go.  
  
(Apple Kid is dragged kicking and screaming to prison.)  
  
End Chapter. 


	16. The Return of the Bum

Link an Navi's Excellent Adventure  
  
Note to Reader: Because I've been feeling special (in other words, lazy), I've been unable to continue with words of wisdom and   
humor (in other words, this pathetic story). Now, after popular demand (in other words, the nagging of Apple Kid), Chapter 16 has  
been written (in other words, it fell of the back of a truck).  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Chapter 16  
  
The Return of the Bum (in other words, me!)  
  
Note to Reader: Apple Kid just wrote another great chapter (in other words, he had an infinite amount of monkeys typing at an infinite  
amount of typewriters for an infinite amount of time until they wrote something funny). Now, through some fluke, Link got through the  
Shadow Temple (and knew what an isosided hexahedron is). But now, the return of the greatest story ever (in other words, I was bored enough  
to look at a computer screen for about a half hour while randomly typing things with no meaning.)  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Link: I shall run before the stupid firefly revives!  
  
Navi: Boo!  
  
Link: AHHHHHHH!  
  
(Link wakes up)  
  
Link: YAY! She's not revived!  
  
(Link decides to randomly go to the Gerudo Fortress for no apparent reason. He also gets in despite the fact he has no horse or longshot)  
  
Link: Video games get easier everyday!  
  
(Navi finally appears)  
  
Link: Awww, crap.  
  
Navi: It had to happen  
  
Link: Now?  
  
Navi: You never know. God decided he was too easy on you... plus I got too annoying that God AND Satan threw me out.  
  
Link: Imagine that...  
  
(They get into the Gerudo Fortress where Link sees many scantily-clad women on patrol)  
  
Link: Oooooooooooooo.....  
  
CRACKOW CRACKOW CRACKOW  
  
Loud Booming Voice That People Associate With (and hereafter referred to as) God: I think I wrote something about lust in that big  
book... Besides, you have to save Hyrule...  
  
Random Gerudo (that we shall call Sally for no apparent reason): Hey! What was that??  
  
(Sally finds Link and puts him in jail)  
  
Link: Crap, they took my hookshot! They're not supposed to take my hookshot!  
  
Navi: See ya!  
  
Link: My prayers have been answered!!!  
  
(Somehow, Link manages to climb out of prison, work his way through the fortress, and free the carpenters)  
  
Gerudo Leader whose name begins with an A: I... I... I can't believe it... I'll give you a library card for that!!!!  
  
Link: A library card??? You don't have a library!!!  
  
Gerudo Leader: Ummm, how would a Gerudo membership do???  
  
Link: Acceptable...  
  
Gerudo Leader: And... ummm... 1 billion rupees....????  
  
Link: Sure!  
  
(Link receives his.... gifts and gets to the desert.)  
  
Link: So... hot... must... rest  
  
Random Person: How about a nice refreshing A&W Root Beer?  
  
Link: Aren't we sponsored by Pepsi???  
  
Random Person: We're not sponsored by anyone, except the Almighty Author.  
  
Link: Okay...  
  
(Link stumbles around the desert in the sandstorm and, by some stroke of luck, Link arrives in the Desert Colossus (in other words, he   
fell down a hole and somehow ended up in the Desert Colossus).  
**************************************************************************************************************************************  
A perfect time for a random commercial for no apparent reason!!!  
  
Announcer: Link and Navi's Excellent Adventure is brought to you by your local TV meteorologist!  
  
Link: Why???  
  
Announcer: Because they said so! Now, for the weather report  
  
Random Meterologist whom we shall call Carl: Lake Hylia: Rainy all day after a long drought. Hyrule Field: Clear and sunny. Death Mountain:  
Calm after a violent ash falling. Desert Colossus: Snow is moving in. That's right... snow is moving into the desert.  
  
Link: That's impossible!!!!!  
  
Carl: Is not!  
  
Link: Is too!  
  
Carl: Is not!  
  
Link: Is too!  
  
Carl: Let's solve this intelligently.  
  
Link: How?  
  
Carl: I win, you lose. Life sucks get over it!  
  
Link: HEY!  
  
(Link and Carl fight until Carl comes out... in less then mint condition (in other words, decapitated, limbs missing, etc...))  
  
Announcer: We have to stop this...  
**************************************************************************************************************************************  
Link: Meteoroligists are stupid. Snow!  
  
(Snow starts to fall.)  
  
Carl: I TOLD YOU SO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Link: Fine... you win.  
  
(Link sees the Spirit Temple)  
  
Link: Hmmm.... how to deal with this...  
  
(An hour later, the Spirit Temple is rigged up with TNT, C4, and other various explosives)  
  
Link: (pulling out a test tube of nitroglycerin) Time to start 'er up!  
  
(Goombario from Paper Mario appears)  
  
Goombario: You can't do that!!!  
  
Link: Why?  
  
Goombario: 1. It's not in the script!!!  
  
Link: Nothing we've done is in the script!!!  
  
Goombario: 2. It's already been done in Cardboard Mario (by Apple Kid on fanfiction.net. Read it now!!!)  
  
Link: Grumble  
  
Goombario: That's not a word, it's a sound  
  
Link: Fine...  
  
(Link grumbles)  
  
Link: Happy?  
  
Goombario: No, but it will have to suffice.  
  
(Link removes the explosives)  
  
Link: Now, what do I do with all this?  
  
Goombario: Burn unwanted papers??  
  
Link: I got a better idea!  
  
(Link straps the explosives to Goombario, forces him to eat the nitroglycerin, and throws Goombario into the Temple)  
  
Goombario: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!  
  
(The Temple falls. Link retrieves the Gauntlets and Mirror shield. Also, he sees Twinrova, who miraculously survived.)  
  
Link: How did you live???  
  
Twinrova: We had to in order to make the fic funnier.  
  
Link: It's funny already.  
  
Twinrova: Crap.  
  
(Nabooru comes and kills Twinrova. Link and Nabooru are summoned to the Chamber of Sages)  
  
Nabooru: It appears I am the Sage of Spirit.  
  
Link: Can I have the Spirit Medallion?  
  
Nabooru: Ummm... no. You see, it's like this. I pawned it off for a few hundred thousand rupees.  
  
Link: Die, you filthy son of a %!%$#@@!  
  
(Link kills Nabooru in one swipe)  
  
Other Sages: Well, that was unfortunate. Now, the Temples have been beaten the the Sages awaken... except for Nabooru.  
Anyway, now you must retrieve the medallions.  
  
Link: Crap.  
  
Saria: It appears we are running out of room and Navi has to die, so we summoned her for a special death.  
  
Link: Yay!  
  
(Navi appears)  
  
Navi: Nooooo!!!! French people are touching me with cigarettes!  
  
(Navi dies of severe burns)  
  
Link: Oh my god they killed Navi those &@$%@#*$!  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Narrator: Yay! It's been written (now shut up, Apple Kid). Now, the author shall move on to bigger and better things (writing \  
chapter 17, for example). We sincerely hope we haven't lost any readers due to the drought of chapters... 


	17. Dilapidated Armadillo

Big Apology: I'm sorry that I haven't updated in a while! I lost this file and now I've found it   
  
again. I hope I haven't lost any readers. Now, the Fic as I have originally written it:  
  
Link and Navi's Excellent Adventure  
  
Note to Reader: Wow! This keyboard is dusty! And that's not just a lame joke that says I haven't   
  
been on in a while. It really is dusty! Now, to many of your delights, I've decided to update my   
  
fic before I had to dig it out of an ancient Egyptian tomb. Sounds fun, eh? The good news: Apple  
  
Kid and I thought of many many good jokes to use. Bad news: Neither of us remember any of them,   
  
except my favorite.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Chapter 17  
  
Dilapidated Armadillo or  
  
Attack of the Random People Who Wanted to be in the Fic!  
  
Narrator: Okay, the title is mostly irrelevant, but when has that ever stopped the Almighy Author?  
  
Anyhoo... Chapter 16 brought our "hero" to the Point of No Return. Actually, we haven't reached it   
  
yet, but that's where the pawn shops are to be located simply because. Now, Link has a long trip to   
  
take.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
(Link sees a sign.)  
  
Link: The Point of No Return... sounds welcoming.  
  
Note to Reader: When did he get that far? I have to update this fic more if he jumps ahead like   
  
this!  
  
Disembodied voice that sounds remotely like Navi's (hereafter "Navi's Voice"): Hey!Look!Listen!  
  
Link: Crap.  
  
Navi's Voice: I have decided that I can annoy you better when I'm disembodied!  
  
(Link grabs his hat.)  
  
Link: You're not disembodied...  
  
Navi's Voice: You can't see me, can you?  
  
(Link reaches into his hat and pulls out a rabbit.)  
  
Link: Oops  
  
(Link reaches in and grabs Navi.)  
  
Navi: Crap.  
  
Link: Funny, I said the same thing.  
  
Navi: Well, shouldn't you be going to the pawn shop?  
  
Link: Oh yea!  
  
(Link sets off. North, if you must know.)  
  
Link: I think we're going in circles!  
  
(Dekustar the Mad Author pops up. [I forgot people want to be in this pitiful piece of garbage we call a fic!])  
  
Dekustar the Mad Author: Welcome to Dekustar the Mad Author's Guided Pawn Shop Tours. I am here, under the orders   
  
of the Almighty Author and my own desires, to guide you through the Point of No Returns to get your Medallions back.   
  
I hope you have money.  
  
Link: Don't worry, that pirate person gave me 1 billion rupees. Here...  
  
(Link takes out his wallet and finds it empty.)  
  
Link: Crap! What happened to them?  
  
(All characters, disembodied voices, eminent bodies, people who wanted to be in the fic, etc. look "innocent" and   
  
whistle.)  
  
Link: I think it was...  
  
(He randomly points to somebody.)  
  
Link: YOU!!  
  
Onion Boy: Me? I didn't do anything?  
  
Link: Then what's in your hands?  
  
Onion Boy: It's not my fault!!! Navi told me to take it!  
  
(Link grabs his Sponge Bob Square Pants boxers from Onion Boy.)  
  
Link: Oops. Then it's...  
  
(Points to Professor Charlotte Snape.)  
  
Link: YOU!!!!!  
  
Professor Charlotte Snape: Hey! I say I want to be in the fic and I get blamed for this??? How dare you???  
  
Link: At the least, can you give me my shield back?  
  
Professor Charlotte Snape: Fine. (sad eyes)  
  
Link: Fine, I have to be right this time....  
  
(Points to Bill Gates)  
  
Link YOU!  
  
Bill Gates: Let me look through my book.  
  
(Bill consults a small black book.)  
  
Bill Gates: Let's see here, I've stolen from Bill Clinton, the government, the random bum down the street  
  
(Random bum approaches and hits Bill Gates.)  
  
Random bum: HEY! GIVE THAT BACK TO ME!  
  
(Grabs his cash and leaves.)  
  
Bill Gates: However, nothing about Link.  
  
Link: Then it must be...  
  
(Points to Dagger, Empress of Hyrule.)  
  
Link: YOU!  
  
Dagger, Empress of Hyrule: I'm sorry. It's not my fault. I'm hyperactive, like torture, and occasionally go insane.   
  
What did you expect??  
  
Link: I don't know, but thank you for giving it back!  
  
(Everyone leaves and Link is lead north.)  
  
Link: Ah! A pawn shop!  
  
(Link, Dekustar the Mad Author, and Navi enter the shop, which is full of Nazis.)  
  
Nazis: Hiel! Smoochie!!!  
  
Link: Yea, whatever. I need a certain medallion which has been sold here, I believe.  
  
Hitler: Yes. Ze medallion. Zat vill be about one hundred zoundand rupees.  
  
Link: No problem.  
  
(Link gets out his wallet.)  
  
Link: Crap, I forgot to take the money!! Fine, if you don't give it to me, I'll leave Navi here!  
  
Hitler: Navi? Zat's a problem vhy?  
  
Link: Because....  
  
Navi: HEY!!!LOOK!!!!LISTEN!!!!  
  
Nazis: AHHHHHHH!!!!  
  
(The Nazis throw the Medallion at Link.)  
  
Link: Finally!  
  
(Exeunt)  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Narrator: That was fun, wasn't it? I liked it. And Link is on the right track for once!!! Now....  
  
Dekustar the Mad Author: Uhhh, Mr. Almighty Author sir... The chapter ended and Navi's still alive...  
  
Almighty Author: What? Crap!!! Armageddon!!!  
  
(The earth splits beneath Navi, who is then sucked into the center of the earth. The crack is then sealed.)  
  
Almighty Author: That works.  
  
Link: Oh my god, you killed Navi, you, uh, Almighty Author!!!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Narrator: Now, are we done?  
  
Dekustar the Mad Author: I guess... It could have been funnier...  
  
Almighty Author: Ever hear of deadlines  
  
Dekustar the Mad Author: Yes, but what does that have to...  
  
Almighty Author: Good.  
  
Narrator: Now, my friend, the chapter is finished. [Exeunt] 


End file.
